As you all know and are tired of hearing about, I just broke up with my dude. DUH. Well I’ve been keeping the fuck busy, but hangin’ with my girls and drinking the ackahol so much can’t remain a permanent thing. I need a damn hobby. Ideas, please. I’m being cereal for once, tell me what to do with myself, I only teach on Mon & Wed, and with my other time I swim but I’m getting so tan that people are beginning to question my ethnicity.
It has been suggested to me that I exercise, and I have a Wii Fit, but we all know that is complete bullshit. I’ve been told to power walk, but….
No one has ever power walked and looked hot doing it. NO ONE. Do not argue with me on this. And I’m a singleton now, so I need to look hot 24/7, naw mean? Can’t be cock blocking (or twat swatting if you will) my own damn self, that’s other people’s job.
So give me some hobbies? I do need to exercise, though. Maybe I will post a vid of myself doing the Wii fit hula hoop workout. Not in my panties though like the others circulating round the net, sorry guys but my parents are still alive.
From menses, of course. Stringy ones provide a whip effect.
Filed under: bored, chillin today, embarrassing, fashion, pug, tv, video games, you
What’s that? You don’t care about this? Oh yes you do. [They're heeled jellies, btw.]
Contrary to the pug’s extreme rudeness, my feet do not stink. From the “Melissa” (shoe brand) website:
“A few years ago, to add to the melissa experience, the decision was made to infuse all melissa shoes with a sweet bubblegum smell. ”
K so the answer is obviously douchebag. Well anyway, here’s this:
The Reasons I Have Not Been Blogging! :(!
1) I had the Black Lung for 3 weeks, and so was unable to sleep on my right side.
2) Excessive staring (like most things, best done in moderation).
3) Been playing Wii Bowling so much that I have developed a rash on my throwing-arm. I admit this to you in confidence, so you are legally prohibited from making fun.
And now, Questions For My Twat Tacos:
a) What is the best movie/show you have seen in the past few?
b) What is the most embarrassing?
Filed under: Laura Linney's Breasts, Pro-tips, bored, chillin today, embarrassing, video games
When I was a younger little twatsprinkle, I conducted a lot of research (via Prodigy and America Online) on making my breasts grow larger by using my brain.
[yes -- recycled pic from this summer -- it's not as if my breasts have grown since]
I read that if you close your eyes and picture yourself topless in the sun, breasts buds would further blossom, because something about the tingling sensations that actually occur when your breasts grow due to teh puberties, yeah, none of this makes sense. But that is a true story. And obvs, it didn’t pan out.
So that was my life then, this is my life now. Jealous?!!?! No? :(
Filed under: Tony Hawk, embarrassing, intertron, me me me, my oddities, oh fuck, pug, video games
Keyboard: 1 Angela: 0
Oh, where to begin with this shit. Those of you reading my noxious tumbling already know that I recently spilled red wine (from the finest of gas stations) all over my laptop keyboard. I have two degrees in Computer Science and have destroyed two computers in 3 months. HIGH FIVE.
The first one I took out as described here. This latest episode is more embarrassing.
SCENE: I’ve just finished watching “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape”, and have decided to pretend that I am a retarded person. ? So I’m sitting cross-legged on the couch, glass of wine on the tray, and I take my left foot in my left hand, and start slapping it spastically against my right leg. Wine glass goes flying, and my keyboard is fucked (I was still optimistic at this point, though).
I tried rinsing it [removed from the machine, obv] and drying it in the sun, to no avail. Decided to try feeding it to my dog, or drop kicking it:
In the end, I bought an “invincible” and “magical” and “rubber” keyboard (USB). You can spill wine on it, roll it up in a ball, and generally hate all over it and everything will be just fine. I have done a demonstration for you below, and I look pretty stupid doing it:
More pics of this mess tomorrow on my tumblr. I post some fucking *bullshit* on that thing, but at a much higher frequency than over here. So if you want to hear about my every fart and indiscretion, or just hear me announce on a regular basis that I am playing Tony Hawk, eating spaghetti and scratching my ass, see there. <3 <3 <3. Cooterheads.
Filed under: MTV must die, Tony Hawk, eating food, embarrassing, fashion, me me me, pug, tv, video games, working
Today was not a good day.
I had to go to a family function this evening, and so put on the HAPPY DRESS of SUNSHINE. And RAINBOWS. Didn’t work.
I forgave the pug her previous indiscretions, although she doesn’t deserve it.
Growing up, I used to have this “Book of Farts”. It put a name to your various farts, including the “Thank God I’m Alone” fart and the “Silent But Deadly” fart (obv). I used to think about this during class and start lol’ing like a weirdo. That and the old rectangular Garfield books:
TONIGHT’S BUSINESS: Watch “I Love Money”, eat red wine + leftover mac n chee and play Tony Hawk. Tomorrow is my Day of Action!!! I shall be productive tomorrow….Wait for it… ?
Filed under: Laura Linney's Breasts, Tony Hawk, me me me, oh fuck, tv, video games, working
-or- “This month-long sabbatical of mine is turning me crazy”
Hey guys, I LEFT THE HOUSE TODAY:
So I was supposed to find out (by using this time) what I wanted to do with my career, but as it turns out, I only want to watch tv and play video games and read trash all day on the internet. “Just kidding.”
But cereal, I think I’ll prob get another Master’s in either Int’l Policy, Economics or Social Work. Or Environmental Science & Engineering, which would go nicely w/the CS background and plus has a PhD prog I might go for. Either way, the deadline is July 1 (fuck fuck fuck).
I’m getting a-little-too-used-to the Crazy Lady routine. I’ve been sitting on the couch all day for weeks, taking naps AFTER BREAKFAST, and contemplating (= pricing) small pigs. For pet! Or confidante, student, teacher & friend. I eat bacon almost every morning, and I would prob have to knock that off ASAP. I just can’t see myself cooking it with the pig running around.
This series kicks fucking ass, here are two [the latest, "Chapter Fourty-Four: Bon Iver" is my favorite, but is not on youtube yet. You can use the google to find it.]:
[youbue=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKCraa-tdD4]
So toodles, McTwattersons…wonder what I’m going to do??? Time is running out. And money, that too. No one is paying me to sit on a mountain and think.
Filed under: fashion, me me me, movies, oh fuck, she-celebs, video games, working
I know she’s super busy getting munched on by Samantha Ronson. But someone [me] who is currently jobless watched “Mean Girls” last night (because life is meaningless and we are all going to DIE) and have you ever seen her sing and dance the “Jingle Bell Rock”?
I was looking online at necklaces today so I wouldn’t have to look for a job, and I found a rilly inspiring one: 
And also one that more accurately portrays my current feelings:
Juuust kidding, I’m not so Eeyore, being unemployed rules. I do need to get a job though, maybe I’ll apply to teach CS at the community college.
So I have some new games (it’s a PS2 and do not you laugh at me):
-Jak 3, GAYEST game of GAYNESS but I’m still playing it
-Gran Turismo 4 and I suck at it cause it’s fucking hard
-Grand Theft Auto and I’ve never played it.
Going to make a pizza soon, play more video games (brought both tv’s in the living room => so much awsum) and try to ignore the bottle of wine on top of the fridge 
