Filed under: Uncategorized
the greatest movie of our time.
Filed under: ackahol
HAHAHAA hey guys, remember those awesome seven fucking times that I cocktail waitressed at the titty bar? My friend from high school just sent me a msg, like 3 weeks later, apologizing profusely for having asked repeatedly while there (was intoxicated) if I could get permission to give him a lap dance (cocktail waitresses are NOT allowed to writhe around).
I was just like, LOL, Oh YOU hahha.
You guys know how I feel about the fucking “Yahoo! Answers” community, as in they are gonna end up getting us all killed, but this gentleman sure wants to know what he’s talking about: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070817155434AAILCAX
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I flipped my car over today. Was texting on a keypad and flew over the meridian. An older Hispanic man fished me out, upside down, and made me pray with him. I was so shooken up, I didn’t even giggle. Fuck, at least I’m alive.
I took a shower with a plastic bag taped over my bandaged knee, which they strongly suggested I get sutured. Did not want. Severe cut on finger I so wisely removed will not stop BLEEDING ITS ASS OFF. Also, my AC is broken! Celebrate!!!
I am SO ordering pizza tonight FTW. My car is totaled.
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So am I going to handle this gracefully? No. Nope.
I hate your cat. I have always hated your cat. I will continue to hate your cat until I die. He fucked up my couch, too.
I hope your next girlfriend is fat, ugly and stupid. I hope you fart in a meeting.
That is all. I don’t have much nice to say after you broke our agreements. Unfuckingcool.
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Yipany and non-Yipany’s, to answer the former’s question I would LORVE a pair of tights from mytights.com in one of these three patterns (they have these for rill.) The hearts pattern pwns all tights in existence but they’re all pretty bad-ass:
<33.
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I’ll post a vid this afternoon once I get the stupid idiot twat-ware working for this fandangled video camera machine. Then we can decide together on the ANS issue:
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on my tumblr at http://halfassitude.tumblr.com/
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Ep. 2, twat muffins. Let’s make this a Monday thing.
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Perhaps I’m being overly dramatic. But – but just look:
That’s my mom piggin out on the chicken [SO MANY FLIES GROSS] and wearing that ridiculous hat.
The sitting in a chair part was good, and the getting waist deep in the snake-infested (I decided) water was kind of fun. Not so much the algae rocks and the fish rubbing their scaley scales against my legs. I’m so glad I brought pugs, she hates this shit too, so we keep each other company:
In other news, I taught the class of 5 million (98) students today. Couldn’t sleep last night cause of nerves, I guess. I almost got out of bed and wrote an opus on this blog at around 4am, but instead decided to lay there and think of horror movies that scare the crap out of me (WHY). That’s an even worse version of the embarrassing moments reel. [FACTOID: I am not allowed to watch scary movies. Not ever. They haunt me for all of my days.]
The students were cool, SO YOUNG! I think most of them are freshmen. They refuse to speak during class. I’m all, “Sooo, who here has a facebook”? *crickets* “How about a myspace?” *crickets and condescending looks* I thought I was young enough to be cool with the kids nowadays, WRONG. Lol. We have a class blog that they’re contributing to, it’s adorable and I love it.
So the only insomnia advice I’ve gotten from you people, because you OBVIOUSLY don’t care about me, is to exercise. Any other suggestions? I tried the warm milk, and I’ve determined that its only purpose is to taste good. Help please.
Also, if you leave a comment, wordpress makes a little bug man for you based on your email address. They’re really cute, so write a “hello” comment and look at your little bug. OR DON’T, WHATEVER. Twattersons. <3
P.S. I just bought some/am now in love with brightly colored tights. More on this fascinating development tomorrow.
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I’ll post some vid of the gnarls lake trip tomorrow. I wish I had had the camera when my pug was trying to rescue me from the water. That was hilarious.
ANYWAY: I’ll post after my class and tell you how it went. There are 98 people in it omg. I’m wearing my schoolteacher outfit tomorrow lol.
She’s still pissed about the whole “Denver” thing.
For the entire trip, she was all, “Denver can suck it, MOM. Thx a lot go buy me an Egg McMuffin.” Which I of course DID, because pugs are very emo in the first place, and also she refused to eat her dog food for days.
You can see her enjoying the Egg McMuffinous fruits of her petulance in the following “A Pug in Denver” montage:
This hotel connection is pure shit. At least there is one, right? The internets are half full.
Watching Family Guy, drinking a Miller Lite and grossing out on my dog’s tourist-food-farts [she refuses to eat her dog food right now, so she gets half of my Huevos Rancheros from the restaurant next door]. There’s actually a “lobster mac n chee” at some steakhouse that I’m going to eat the shit out of on Wednesday night. I sound like such a d-bag.
Filed under: denver, embarrassing, fashion, intertron, me me me, oh fuck, pug, trips, working
I’m giving an epic hour-long presentation tomorrow on some shit I know nothing about. So I’m looking forward to that.
Hey guys every time I buy a dress from Modcloth, they feel the need to throw in the weirdest of shit. Such as:
That is clearly a bear with a tape measure coming out of its mouth. Last time, the bonus was a giant pterodactyl necklace. Fuckin awesome?
Anyway, I’m driving to Denver tomorrow with the PUG after my public humiliation is over (the presentation, remember?). I’ll be cooped up in a motel most of the week with puggleton, so I’ll be making videos with the intent of majorly freaking you out.
I’m also being pressured to go White Water Rafting, and anyone who knows me knows that I do not like White Water, Rafting, or Being Outside. So you can expect some pics of me looking really pissed and wet.
I’m Angela and Jessamin is this one:
Jessamin: man i’m wearing this long sleeved button down shirt right now and i’m totally sweating in it :O
Angela: gross
Angela: I use medicated deodorant
Jessamin: really??
Angela: prescription, bia
Jessamin: do you have a glandular problem angela
Jessamin: do you have a very strong musk
Angela: you apply it at night
Angela: and put saran wrap over your armpits
Angela: and wear a tight shirt
Angela: and I am not shitting you
Angela: you dab the liquid onto your pits,
then put saran wrap on it,
then put on a tight shirt,
then try to sleep as it burns
your pits
then wake up in the morning and itch your pits furiously
then don’t sweat as much!!!
Jessamin: wtffff
Angela: yaaaay!!!!!11
Jessamin: that’s so effing hilarious
: (
Angela: I used to have to do that like 1x a week until like about 4 years ago
: D
Angela: it would be funny if you wore man-slacks and man-dress shirts
every day though
Angela: you should wear big frilly dresses to work
just start showing up like that
with little anklet socks and dress shoes
Jessamin: noooo
Jessamin: who says i don’t come to work like that angela (in a man’s
shirt and pants)
Angela: nobody said
Jessamin: :’(
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Sorry I haven’t been posting, I’ve been really busy eating egg mcmuffins and poking the yoke out manually, which is much much harder than it sounds.
Long story short: I was a PhD student in Computer Science, working on Bioinformatics, and I was like eff this I think I’ll work in poverty instead. Not so easy translating CS research into helping Sub-Saharan Africa.
I got a Master’s in CS along the way so it wasn’t a waste of time or anything. I think I’m going to get another master’s in something else starting this fall but WHO CARES ABOUT THAT. God this post is boring me already. If anyone has any ideas or wants to give me a job where I can drink and play Tony Hawk all day, let me know and I’ll send you a resume.
My past three days of unemployment have been fun! This much:
