Filed under: bored, chillin today, embarrassing, fashion, pug, tv, video games, you
What’s that? You don’t care about this? Oh yes you do. [They're heeled jellies, btw.]
Contrary to the pug’s extreme rudeness, my feet do not stink. From the “Melissa” (shoe brand) website:
“A few years ago, to add to the melissa experience, the decision was made to infuse all melissa shoes with a sweet bubblegum smell. ”
K so the answer is obviously douchebag. Well anyway, here’s this:
The Reasons I Have Not Been Blogging! :(!
1) I had the Black Lung for 3 weeks, and so was unable to sleep on my right side.
2) Excessive staring (like most things, best done in moderation).
3) Been playing Wii Bowling so much that I have developed a rash on my throwing-arm. I admit this to you in confidence, so you are legally prohibited from making fun.
And now, Questions For My Twat Tacos:
a) What is the best movie/show you have seen in the past few?
b) What is the most embarrassing?
Filed under: he-celebs, oh fuck, old people, politics, she-celebs, tv, what a dick, working
I am so freaking P.O.’d about this. I know I expressed great regret over the last presidential debate-drinking game, but events of tonight’s caliber only come around once or twice in ever. UnFORTUNATELY, I have my weekly Meeting of Death tomorrow morning, and predict that I’ll be working late into the night.
This insanely awesome show will be on in the background, but I won’t be able to experience the event as fully or deeply as the rest of the nation, which no doubt will be engaged in some drinking game. Unless I will, in which case I’ll formulate and post the rules as we go on my tumblr: http://halfassitude.tumblr.com/
Filed under: MTV must die, eating food, embarrassing, hammock, me me me, oh fuck, politics, teaching, tv, working
Yes, for the THIRD time. I had thought that I could save all the homeless animals and Africans with a Master’s in CS, but after my “Summer of Negative Income”, I came to realize that no one in the non-profit field gives a shit about my programming skills. Also not considered was my ability to effectively do group-work with computer nerds, who happen to be virgins (info was volunteered), and who talk way too close to my face. *Note that those aren’t real classmates of mine, I wouldn’t do that. I was tempted, but I never would.
+ 
!= 
All my friends and my crazy Vietnamese mother think I’m making the wrong decision, mostly becaue I used to complain a lot about it. Well fuck, who wouldn’t. It’s fucking hard, yo. [LOL ever since I saw "The Wackness" (movie about a drug-dealing wigg with a heart of gold in the 90's), I keep saying "naw, dawg" or "yo what up with that hurricane", etc.] No one around me is amused. Probably a little embarrassed, too.
You know what embarrasses me? Those high-school PA-system speeches that students give when they are running for Student Council treasurer and what not. I’ve heard a lot of them recently because..well….I’ve been watching the MTV again. Anyway, I think I’ve gotten a lot meaner than I was in high school. I’m still really nice and always have been [My, don't we like ourself today?], but I feel that I would make much more fun (to close friends only, obv) than I did before. The speeches give me goosebumps and make all kinds of hairs on my body grow out a millimeter per speech (it’s my body trying to shield me from the discomfort).
In other news, it finally happened, I almost cracked my skull on the new indoor hammock. I decided it reasonable to stand up in the middle of it to fuck with the malfunctioning ceiling fan. Crash, boom, all of that at about 5am this morning (insomnia still, woke up at 4). Landed on my elbow with my full body weight, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to die or have to have my elbow removed. Lesson: don’t be a fucking idiot. Also, don’t stand on a hammock, even if you’re cold and the fan is broken and you think you can fix it real quick.
Basically, the honeymoon is over. Between me and the hammock. [She says as she types while rocking in her lovely but not-without-risk hammock.] But check out my “O-face”:
I still love you, my hammock; my friend.
I have work to do today. I’m doing the “Internet and Politics” lecture Part II tomorrow. I can’t really tell, but I’m pretty sure they don’t give a shit. Well, they’re GOING TO after this next assignment. [LOLSTATEMENT].
Today I will eat my coffee (that vanilla creamer is so good but I’m fairly certain that it’s giving me cancer), eat, make slides, do research work because I have made an insane career decision, and possibly make another video. So apologies in advance for the video. Have a pleasant day, my little twat tacos! <333
Filed under: embarrassing, farts, fashion, me me me, oh fuck, she-celebs, teaching, tv, working
Go ahead, ask me. I’ve been unable to sleep since 6AM and I have a tv in my bedroom, so I know what I’m talking about here. And DO NOT get me started on the FREE and BONUS Dial-O-Matic food slicer. It will cut up your food SO HARDCORE.
1)
2) 
Onwards and upwards, we’ll now discuss some of the more exotic and curious and, one might say, fucking ugly selections from some of my favorite sites. Why: Because it’s butass early for me to be awake, and I’m not doing anything else except watching that “Sex and the City” episode where Carrie cuts a fart in front of Mr. Big. So here we go:
Interesting. From the front, maybe okay, and especially if one is Wonder Woman and needs an updated pair of booties.
And now:
These, these… Fancy! This looks like a good running outfit.
Well I’ve been known to put together some rather fug fugliness myself, what with the confusing shorts [click for maximum confusion] and the so much pink:
I’m nervous about the teaching job. It’s not final until tomorrowish, because if some classes are cancelled due to low enrollment they’ll have to give my class to one of those profs. The dept. head told me it was 99%, but I would have preferred 100. UPDATE: I got the class (!!!), and it contains NINETY-THREE (93) STUDENTS. The other time I taught, it was only ten people. Excuse me, I need to go put on some more deodorant because I am heavily perspiring.
Either way, I think I’m going back into the PhD prog next Spring, so I’ll either be teaching or taking a chill job involving fries and if people would like cheese with that. I’m going to try and blog every day now, because it’s my version of leaving the house [which I refuse to do].
Finally, the utilities-meter-reading guy nearly gave me and my cat a fucking heart attack a second ago. Seeing a large shorts-with-boots-wearing man traipsing through my backyard makes me glad it’s not Naked Wednesday. [Just kidding, there is no Naked Wednesday. Not since my mom started abusing her privileges with the copy of my house key.]
Filed under: MTV must die, Tony Hawk, eating food, embarrassing, fashion, me me me, pug, tv, video games, working
Today was not a good day.
I had to go to a family function this evening, and so put on the HAPPY DRESS of SUNSHINE. And RAINBOWS. Didn’t work.
I forgave the pug her previous indiscretions, although she doesn’t deserve it.
Growing up, I used to have this “Book of Farts”. It put a name to your various farts, including the “Thank God I’m Alone” fart and the “Silent But Deadly” fart (obv). I used to think about this during class and start lol’ing like a weirdo. That and the old rectangular Garfield books:
TONIGHT’S BUSINESS: Watch “I Love Money”, eat red wine + leftover mac n chee and play Tony Hawk. Tomorrow is my Day of Action!!! I shall be productive tomorrow….Wait for it… ?
This blog could sure use some Quality Control. OH WELL.
I continue to wake up every night around 4am, and cannot sleep until exhausting my Embarrassing Moments Reel. There’s a badass new food-maker-machine infomercial out. WATCHED IT. I’ve tried getting up and drinking warm milk twice, and it was delicious yet odd tasting?
Reading is supposed to help, and my version of reading is to peruse gossip sites and also to google “my name + [all things I've ever been associated with]” for any updates or things I can add to my embarrassment reel.
Any tips for sleeping?
Issue of the Day: I wish the grocery people would stop dragging my sponge poof across the checkout counter.
Always, even if I set it on top of a frozen pizza or a tower of pizzas => to suggest that I’d rather they didn’t. I sound like a dick. Sub-Saharan Africa.
Speaking of I’m a dick, anyone watching any primetime shows lately? My list includes:
-Denise Richards: It’s Complicated [It's not.]
-The Next Food Network Star
-Johns Hopkins on abc [my latest fave]
-Living Lohan???????????
-I Love Money on VH1 [It is amazing. See here]
Also, this awesome movie (“Eagle vs. Shark”):
Filed under: Laura Linney's Breasts, Tony Hawk, me me me, oh fuck, tv, video games, working
-or- “This month-long sabbatical of mine is turning me crazy”
Hey guys, I LEFT THE HOUSE TODAY:
So I was supposed to find out (by using this time) what I wanted to do with my career, but as it turns out, I only want to watch tv and play video games and read trash all day on the internet. “Just kidding.”
But cereal, I think I’ll prob get another Master’s in either Int’l Policy, Economics or Social Work. Or Environmental Science & Engineering, which would go nicely w/the CS background and plus has a PhD prog I might go for. Either way, the deadline is July 1 (fuck fuck fuck).
I’m getting a-little-too-used-to the Crazy Lady routine. I’ve been sitting on the couch all day for weeks, taking naps AFTER BREAKFAST, and contemplating (= pricing) small pigs. For pet! Or confidante, student, teacher & friend. I eat bacon almost every morning, and I would prob have to knock that off ASAP. I just can’t see myself cooking it with the pig running around.
This series kicks fucking ass, here are two [the latest, "Chapter Fourty-Four: Bon Iver" is my favorite, but is not on youtube yet. You can use the google to find it.]:
[youbue=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKCraa-tdD4]
So toodles, McTwattersons…wonder what I’m going to do??? Time is running out. And money, that too. No one is paying me to sit on a mountain and think.
I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night lately. Instead of counting sheep or “Zen-ing out” n shit, I involuntarily replay every humiliating moment I’ve experienced since the sixth grade. I’m sure if I tried hard enough, I could go back even further.
Of note:
-The time in junior high I wore my new jeans with the sales tag still attached, and was notified of this by an asshole in front of several people
-The time in junior high I started my womanly bleedings in my jeans (unawares), and was notified of this by an asshole in front of several people
-The time I was doing a soliloquy in a play and everyone laughed, but it was supposed to be SERIOUS and not at all funny
-The time I demonstrated my negative IQ during a programming interview while at the whiteboard working IQ problems, and I could hear the interviewer making fun of me on the phone afterwards
OMG I must stop here. From now on I’ll just turn the tv on and watch infomercials. They always make me hungry, though. And I already have a Magic Bullet (it is amazing, but not quite as amazing as they would have you believe. I have never felt the need to prep my omelette in a blender).
