It was very hard for me. Having a bloody mary and fish noodle soup with my mom to make it better. I even cried, what the hell?
Also, leaning against his shoulder was a bad idea. I remembered each bone. But I still wanted to punch him in the face (dating a 20 yr old you idiot you’re 29, she’s not even done with her CORE CLASSES are you srs), and I lovingly gave him the bird as we parted ways after he made one of his trademark “comments”. Always with the “comments”, that guy. But we laughed over it and I wouldn’t get back with him unless he gave me a minimum of $15,552.
[Edit: BTW, that is a very odd combo (spicy bloody mary mix / vodka / soup with fish, pineapple, tomatoes, and celery). Actually, that sounds like the best combo. I want a REDO. Sadly, I must actually....BRACE FOR IT....go in to WORK today and teach the little rugrats. The 60-yr old rugrats. ::hides in closet::]
Jessamin kindly sent me this vid of a retard who is cooking, AND I THINK SHE IS TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING.
Remember that stupid-ass “Guess how many loads of laundry my fucking room has” contest I subjected you guys to? Well, commenter “Blacknapkin” (he has several other aliases, such as: Reverened Twatking, Lord and Lady Twatkin, etc. lol cause is he a fucking NUT and I just love him so much) — anyway, that was a hell of a bad sentence, so I’ll just say that “Black Napkin” won in an email submission.
He actually lives in UK, but I ordred the “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” dvd from amazon.co.uk and he and his family fucking loved it. Which makes me soooo happy, bc I’ve probably seen it about 50 times myself.
Anyway, here are pics here very kindly snapped of him receiving the movie in the mail. Contragulations my darling BlackNapkin!
For everyone else, I know I haven’t been blogging lately, or like fucking AT ALL, since school started. That’ll change, probably post again today. Teaching an actual programming class is harder than teaching a “Microsoft Word applications” class, but it’s actually really fun, dare I shat it maybe even rules? Cray, right.
This weekend, anyway.
I’M BACK.
I’m teaching a summer class, and it starts this week. Gotta finish takin’ care of bidness, then go to bed early so they won’t find out what a MONSTER I am lol. I’m actually a pretty cool teacher. IF I MAY SAY SO MYSELF, lolol.
Soon, twat sprinkles! I’m grading like bananas right now >:o
Filed under: Pro-tips, embarrassing, farts, fashion, gross, old people, teaching, working, you
Shit just gets WAY too real in there. Thrice I have been privy to things of which I shall not speak. Talk about the clinical definition of awkward. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be a guy, standing next to your boss at the urinal while both of you hold your thingies? Do you feel obligated to make small talk? :(
So I made a “What I Wore” feed over to the left, because IT NEVER ENDS, DOES IT. ”Vainglorious” redirects to here . Apparently God and I are getting a divorce (on the grounds of my forsaking him for my own image, always with the forsaking.)
The five-dollar answer:
(Thanks, Zerokewl!)
Filed under: Jesus Christ, The Lord, don't, mental, oh fuck, scotch, teaching, what a dick, working
Dudes. You know how I like to drop out of the PhD program every year? WELL, I QUIT AGAIN TODAY (via an epic-ass email sent at 3pm.)
My boss’s response: ”I understand your frustration and anxiety. I used to feel that way, too. Let’s meet tomorrow and I’ll give you some tips/lessons I’ve learned on how to deal with stress.”
Jigga WHAAAAt??
He clearly is in denial or only read 1/8th of my email. I picture him looking at it with one eye closed, pointer fingers in his ears, and screaming “LA LA LA LA LA! I CAN’T HEEEAR YOOOOU!!!” Did I mention that the email was epic, and listed all of the reasons why I want to quit, as in QUIT, the program?
@L$H%@$#gw^. So now I get to have “Awkward Conversation of the Year” at 4:30pm tomorrow. At least my Friday presentation for work is now canceled (high-five, guys!)
Wish me luck. I have no idea if I’ll get snake-charmed into staying in the program that makes me hate my life and all living things. LE FUCKING SIGH.
You GUYS. I started teaching a class at the community college today. The class is entitled: “How to Work the Computer Machine.” Mm-hm cereal.
For today’s lesson I identified the keyboard, mouse, and an output device known as the monitor. You may think I am joking; I am not.
My face hurts.
And Mr. Napkins was kind enough to replace Doris Day with the “modern” Doris Day: ME.
So I’m not sure what I was thinking with this one. I already has a job, and they are none too pleased w/my latest stunt.
I got a call to teach a couple of classes at the local community college, and I was like aight, let’s meet and see what’s up. What is up is that they need someone STAT, and what also is up is that my current employer is not exactly throwing a parade right now. BUT:
FTW I’m not teaching a class at the University next semester, just TA’ing (Teacher Assistant’ing) twice a week. The main concern is how it will interfere with my research. I would like to GTFO of this program one day and before I get hit by a bus or something.
After an epic convo with my boss this afternoon, I think I might could do all three. Final decision to come tomorrow. If my boss(es) DO NOT WANT, then I’ll post another pic tomorrow evening with sadface and two wine bottles indicating extreme disappointment instead of the joy you see above.
Filed under: farts, hammock, intertron, me me me, movies, oh fuck, teaching, what a dick, working
I know I don’t have to explain this to you, because I am clearly one of the better Camera Artists of Our Time and you guys appreciate art. I can tell. But this piece, which I was moved to capture this morning, is entitled “Loneliness” because OBVS, just look at it, and also cause every joy has been sucked out of my life since I am also the Stupidest Decision Maker of Our Time.
Agenda for the first day of the rest of my life:
- Download more music because I am a moron who throws computers around and doesn’t back up her shit
- resolve my love/bored/confused relationship with Yo La Tengo, Bloc Party and Broken Social Scene
- figure out how to get Pandora to work WITH me and not AGAINST me (just cause I marked that I liked a song doesn’t mean I’m OBSESSED with it)
- Write an exam for the class test tomorrow
- Respond to 50 intermittent emails about why students can’t make the exam tomorrow due to recent bodily harm
- Thrash around on the hammock and complain for 30 minutes before I start my research (for MEETING tomorrow, h8 meetings 4 lyfe just everyone leave me alone)
Dudes I am ovulating like whoa. Ready to drop this egg and get on with my shit already.
Know where the worst place to bleed is? A freezing cubicle with a plastic bag ‘o pads, sandwiches and wet-naps. Next person to come over here and speak to me gets his face removed.
I got some new boots, yo. Can’t fit into anything I else I just bought, due to the 10 LB’s I packed on since I started teaching. I’ve been going to McDonald’s 3x a week as a breakfast reward for waking up and going to a JOB. So now I can’t fit into clothes anymore. Like, any clothes. I have to swaddle myself in whatever fabrics I can rustle up in the morning and pin myself into.
So they built extra cubicles, and I am now forced to drive all the way to work just to sit in one. I’m fucking pissed. Thank GOD “The Slurper” is not in my lab this time (more on him and a longer vid later, right now I have something naughty to do that takes precedence.)
Dudes, I just ate my morning fatgirl tacos, and guess what:
I don’t feel so good and I’m way tired. Howevs, today I have to write an hour-long lecture on spamdexing or some shit for tomorrow’s class, then do research for Scary Meeting on Friday, and also get in at least 30 minutes of wall-staring. :(
I suppose I will make a list:
Pros: I am tired, I am already in the hammock and my pug is here sleeping so WHY CAN’T I, and also I have a lot of work right now.
Cons: I already had some coffee, I have to wake up early tomorrow so I should rilly not stay up till one tonight, and I have so much fucking work to do today
Clearly, the Pros have it. Why does it seem like someone’s grandma hacked into my blog and created this post. This is like the gayest post ever.
Filed under: embarrassing, fashion, intertron, me me me, oh fuck, teaching, working
Look. I just want you to be happy. See I even made this for you:
You’re welcome. I really painted that, btw. Last week and I did all of it myself. It’s yours and for only 5 dollars!
Option B: You tell me where you want to go. I get fixed up and ride along with you in the car. I read the directions off of my ass, then we arrive, and everyone has a nice time:
That is for 6 dollars.
Why? For one, I don’t think my paper will be submitted by midnight. I just got a funky email from my advisor, who was adding his parts and fixing my work and trying to get it in on time, but he was being all weird and using emoticons and shit. And not in a good way, but in a nervous or in an I-have-some-bad-news-for-you kind of way.
For two, I just get so pumped about teaching that I face plant on the carpet and give myself a third-degree rug burn (KNEE GASH) in front of the children.
The wide-eyed 19-yr old children, who felt so embarrassed for me that they sent me unsolicited emails all day to say that it wasn’t so bad or they’re sure my day will get better.
19-yr olds telling me to suck it up, that is why.
Filed under: eating food, embarrassing, fashion, hammock, intertron, me me me, oh fuck, teaching, working
Fuck. I just stayed there on the ground. I didn’t even get up for a while. Then I mumbled half the lecture, let class out early, and relived the whole thing for the rest of the day. THIS WILL BE ADDED TO MY EMBARRASSING MOMENTS REEL IMMEDIATELY. There is an interesting detail about this that I can’t share here, but I’ll email a few of you and tell. It makes things exponentially worse, it was situational and unfortunate and I usually don’t roll like this, but if you have a creative mind you can probably figure it out.
So obviously, TODAY IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. I have a 5-page technical paper to write and submit for a conference by tomorrow at midnight, and I found out about it yesterday evening. Just got home after having most of my writing shit-canned by my advisor, now settling into the hammock to continue writing gently into that good night. Poured a glass of red and eating ’sketti tonight for dinn, cause I deserve it after this skank-ass of a day.
I ordered this ring, though! Pretty gay, right? I’ll show you gay when it comes in on Thursday. I want the necklace too, but maybe I should quit being so retarded.
Filed under: MTV must die, eating food, embarrassing, hammock, me me me, oh fuck, politics, teaching, tv, working
Yes, for the THIRD time. I had thought that I could save all the homeless animals and Africans with a Master’s in CS, but after my “Summer of Negative Income”, I came to realize that no one in the non-profit field gives a shit about my programming skills. Also not considered was my ability to effectively do group-work with computer nerds, who happen to be virgins (info was volunteered), and who talk way too close to my face. *Note that those aren’t real classmates of mine, I wouldn’t do that. I was tempted, but I never would.
+ 
!= 
All my friends and my crazy Vietnamese mother think I’m making the wrong decision, mostly becaue I used to complain a lot about it. Well fuck, who wouldn’t. It’s fucking hard, yo. [LOL ever since I saw "The Wackness" (movie about a drug-dealing wigg with a heart of gold in the 90's), I keep saying "naw, dawg" or "yo what up with that hurricane", etc.] No one around me is amused. Probably a little embarrassed, too.
You know what embarrasses me? Those high-school PA-system speeches that students give when they are running for Student Council treasurer and what not. I’ve heard a lot of them recently because..well….I’ve been watching the MTV again. Anyway, I think I’ve gotten a lot meaner than I was in high school. I’m still really nice and always have been [My, don't we like ourself today?], but I feel that I would make much more fun (to close friends only, obv) than I did before. The speeches give me goosebumps and make all kinds of hairs on my body grow out a millimeter per speech (it’s my body trying to shield me from the discomfort).
In other news, it finally happened, I almost cracked my skull on the new indoor hammock. I decided it reasonable to stand up in the middle of it to fuck with the malfunctioning ceiling fan. Crash, boom, all of that at about 5am this morning (insomnia still, woke up at 4). Landed on my elbow with my full body weight, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to die or have to have my elbow removed. Lesson: don’t be a fucking idiot. Also, don’t stand on a hammock, even if you’re cold and the fan is broken and you think you can fix it real quick.
Basically, the honeymoon is over. Between me and the hammock. [She says as she types while rocking in her lovely but not-without-risk hammock.] But check out my “O-face”:
I still love you, my hammock; my friend.
I have work to do today. I’m doing the “Internet and Politics” lecture Part II tomorrow. I can’t really tell, but I’m pretty sure they don’t give a shit. Well, they’re GOING TO after this next assignment. [LOLSTATEMENT].
Today I will eat my coffee (that vanilla creamer is so good but I’m fairly certain that it’s giving me cancer), eat, make slides, do research work because I have made an insane career decision, and possibly make another video. So apologies in advance for the video. Have a pleasant day, my little twat tacos! <333
Filed under: bleeding, fashion, hammock, me me me, oh fuck, teaching, what a dick, working
Yeah, that’s right. It was karaoke night, and I was drinking my Applebee’s meal while seated near the finest of gentlemen and scholars. If you were to ask what I was doing at A-Bee’s on their weekly “W.T. Extreme” night, I would respond by telling you to STAY FOCUSED and don’t bother me about it right now.
Anyway, that Toby Keith man (your spiritual advisor and mine) has this song, right. It’s that one, the one about putting a boot up yer ass under certain conditions and such. What I overheard from the young men regarding this song was so amazing [I live in Texas] that it led me to make some life decisions, regarding Applebees, “karaoke night”, and most people. What a shitty and condescending thing to say, huh. Well guess what I’m on my period. <3
Those pictures are entirely unrelated, but I’m fairly certain that you all know the drill here. They’re kinda borderline, huh. Best to publish them on the world wide webinator.
Teaching is going well, it is quite the shitload of work. I feel like I can’t say anything I really want to say about it, for fear of getting in twubble one day. Maybe I’ll password-protect a post and unleash. I have some other big news I’ll post about tomorrow, also! Yay I think! Some of you are going to roll your blog-reading-eyes when you find it out.
I am proud of this little outfit, mostly because it was so hard to construct. There are FOUR total loops in the middle of the top with which to basket-weave oneself into. And the back’s criss-cross maneuvering required two screwdrivers, one battery and a Miller Lite. Oh yeah, and I obviously bought an indoor hammock and THAT FUCKING RULES:
Filed under: embarrassing, farts, fashion, me me me, oh fuck, she-celebs, teaching, tv, working
Go ahead, ask me. I’ve been unable to sleep since 6AM and I have a tv in my bedroom, so I know what I’m talking about here. And DO NOT get me started on the FREE and BONUS Dial-O-Matic food slicer. It will cut up your food SO HARDCORE.
1)
2) 
Onwards and upwards, we’ll now discuss some of the more exotic and curious and, one might say, fucking ugly selections from some of my favorite sites. Why: Because it’s butass early for me to be awake, and I’m not doing anything else except watching that “Sex and the City” episode where Carrie cuts a fart in front of Mr. Big. So here we go:
Interesting. From the front, maybe okay, and especially if one is Wonder Woman and needs an updated pair of booties.
And now:
These, these… Fancy! This looks like a good running outfit.
Well I’ve been known to put together some rather fug fugliness myself, what with the confusing shorts [click for maximum confusion] and the so much pink:
I’m nervous about the teaching job. It’s not final until tomorrowish, because if some classes are cancelled due to low enrollment they’ll have to give my class to one of those profs. The dept. head told me it was 99%, but I would have preferred 100. UPDATE: I got the class (!!!), and it contains NINETY-THREE (93) STUDENTS. The other time I taught, it was only ten people. Excuse me, I need to go put on some more deodorant because I am heavily perspiring.
Either way, I think I’m going back into the PhD prog next Spring, so I’ll either be teaching or taking a chill job involving fries and if people would like cheese with that. I’m going to try and blog every day now, because it’s my version of leaving the house [which I refuse to do].
Finally, the utilities-meter-reading guy nearly gave me and my cat a fucking heart attack a second ago. Seeing a large shorts-with-boots-wearing man traipsing through my backyard makes me glad it’s not Naked Wednesday. [Just kidding, there is no Naked Wednesday. Not since my mom started abusing her privileges with the copy of my house key.]
I’m only teaching one class, an intro CS class that I’ve taught once before, but mainly: MY JOB HUNT IS OVER BEOTCHES. The money is enough, and I’ll be spewing my crazy twice a week in front of 83 people who are GOING TO BEGIN CARING ABOUT COMPUTER SCIENCE. Or else they will pay.
Class doesn’t start until 8/27. I’m so nervous that it’s making me gassy. Write more later, I have forms to fill out, beers to drink in celebration, and bbq’d hamburgers to eat. Oh yeah, they’re going to let me back into the PhD program in the Spring if I’d like! HMMMMMMMmmmmmm.
