Should people who currently major in Women’s Studies be shot?
(JUST KIDDING, okay)
Did Matthew Broderick cheat on Sar Jess Park?
Cool:
Not Cool:
Will I ever take my Christmas Tree down? 5/7/2009: Still up.
Did I just commission someone to custom-make me these shoes? Should I be shot?
When she does the whole, “Just sit back, and relax, and let us get you informed here, that’s our job, ok?”
I get a little warm inside.
Oh yeah, and titty slip:
Filed under: he-celebs, oh fuck, old people, politics, she-celebs, tv, what a dick, working
I am so freaking P.O.’d about this. I know I expressed great regret over the last presidential debate-drinking game, but events of tonight’s caliber only come around once or twice in ever. UnFORTUNATELY, I have my weekly Meeting of Death tomorrow morning, and predict that I’ll be working late into the night.
This insanely awesome show will be on in the background, but I won’t be able to experience the event as fully or deeply as the rest of the nation, which no doubt will be engaged in some drinking game. Unless I will, in which case I’ll formulate and post the rules as we go on my tumblr: http://halfassitude.tumblr.com/
Did I somehow channel ANS with a mixture of the flu, a margarita, beer, and a birthday?
Filed under: embarrassing, farts, fashion, me me me, oh fuck, she-celebs, teaching, tv, working
Go ahead, ask me. I’ve been unable to sleep since 6AM and I have a tv in my bedroom, so I know what I’m talking about here. And DO NOT get me started on the FREE and BONUS Dial-O-Matic food slicer. It will cut up your food SO HARDCORE.
1)
2) 
Onwards and upwards, we’ll now discuss some of the more exotic and curious and, one might say, fucking ugly selections from some of my favorite sites. Why: Because it’s butass early for me to be awake, and I’m not doing anything else except watching that “Sex and the City” episode where Carrie cuts a fart in front of Mr. Big. So here we go:
Interesting. From the front, maybe okay, and especially if one is Wonder Woman and needs an updated pair of booties.
And now:
These, these… Fancy! This looks like a good running outfit.
Well I’ve been known to put together some rather fug fugliness myself, what with the confusing shorts [click for maximum confusion] and the so much pink:
I’m nervous about the teaching job. It’s not final until tomorrowish, because if some classes are cancelled due to low enrollment they’ll have to give my class to one of those profs. The dept. head told me it was 99%, but I would have preferred 100. UPDATE: I got the class (!!!), and it contains NINETY-THREE (93) STUDENTS. The other time I taught, it was only ten people. Excuse me, I need to go put on some more deodorant because I am heavily perspiring.
Either way, I think I’m going back into the PhD prog next Spring, so I’ll either be teaching or taking a chill job involving fries and if people would like cheese with that. I’m going to try and blog every day now, because it’s my version of leaving the house [which I refuse to do].
Finally, the utilities-meter-reading guy nearly gave me and my cat a fucking heart attack a second ago. Seeing a large shorts-with-boots-wearing man traipsing through my backyard makes me glad it’s not Naked Wednesday. [Just kidding, there is no Naked Wednesday. Not since my mom started abusing her privileges with the copy of my house key.]
You will be horrified to know that I have seen “Devil Wears Prada” at least 5 times in the past week alone. The ending [entire movie] is pretty sills but I am a chick, complete with chick parts, and am therefore hypnotized and powerless to this movie.
I went out last night and ate Mexican food, which has already appeared on my thighs.
After, I drank scotch rocks most of the night because I have turned into a dude. Or a 50-year-old divorced lawyer.
Ate Shineese this morning to cure my gnarls barkley of a hangover:
Also, did an hour of pilates yesterday after a decade of inactivity, and EVERYTHING HURTS.
Filed under: fashion, me me me, movies, oh fuck, she-celebs, video games, working
I know she’s super busy getting munched on by Samantha Ronson. But someone [me] who is currently jobless watched “Mean Girls” last night (because life is meaningless and we are all going to DIE) and have you ever seen her sing and dance the “Jingle Bell Rock”?
I was looking online at necklaces today so I wouldn’t have to look for a job, and I found a rilly inspiring one: 
And also one that more accurately portrays my current feelings:
Juuust kidding, I’m not so Eeyore, being unemployed rules. I do need to get a job though, maybe I’ll apply to teach CS at the community college.
So I have some new games (it’s a PS2 and do not you laugh at me):
-Jak 3, GAYEST game of GAYNESS but I’m still playing it
-Gran Turismo 4 and I suck at it cause it’s fucking hard
-Grand Theft Auto and I’ve never played it.
Going to make a pizza soon, play more video games (brought both tv’s in the living room => so much awsum) and try to ignore the bottle of wine on top of the fridge 
Dear Friends and Colleagues:
I wish someone would feed me. I’m a little fish in a tank, hanging at the top and waiting for someone to sprinkle me some flakes. SPRINKLE ME SOME FISHY FLAKES, DAMMIT.
How shitty does this movie look:
I’ll confirm this in 2 hrs 7 mins.
Had a Big Meeting today. Changed dissertation topic to Network-Based Analysis of Complex Systems. Thought I was bringing clean water to Sub-Saharan Africa, but I guess they are S.O.L. until I can formulate their thirstiness and sanitation problems into something that makes me GRADUATE.
Warning: Perez Hilton will have a clothing line out for Hot Topic. Don’t say I never did anything for you.
I was almost blinded for the second time by Laura Linney’s breastassis while watching “The Savages” this morning. I think she’s a very attractive middle-aged lady, but her breasts remind me of someone’s mom’s, and I sure was taken aback in “Love Actually” when they popped out in total wtf fashion:
Movies of my Mother’s Day Dinner coming tomorrow.
Filed under: she-celebs
“I won’t be sittin’ down doin’ nothin’
I’d rather spend my time doin’ somethin’
Ain’t no need to plan it–
jump right in and jam it” – Shania, from “I’m Not In The Mood (To Say No)!”
Fuck yeah! (?)
“You’re Tarzan!
Captain Kirk maybe.
John Wayne.
Whatever!
That don’t impress me much!” – Shania, from “That Don’t Impress Me Much”
Anyway, going to my mom’s tomorrow to get drunk with Todd (my stepdad) for Mother’s Day and to get yelled at all day by my mom. Should be fun, I’ll try and make a movie so you can share this special day with me. If I know you or you live with me, please remind me that I need to pick up a card at Walgreen’s tomorrow THX.
I just took a “swim” in the “pool” outback, about to murder me some Tony Hawk, then watch “The Savages”. I also rented “Dan in Real Life”, which is probably going to suck.
