Filed under: pug
Yes, xmas tree still up. Washed the pug’s bed today and she crashed out stat.
UPDATE: I’m approving blog comments for the minute. Shit’s gettin’ too real around here (see below). That post may or may not have been tacky, but this is *my* blog goddammit and it’s just therapeutic. I do what I want! Lol.
This weekend, anyway.
I’M BACK.
I’m teaching a summer class, and it starts this week. Gotta finish takin’ care of bidness, then go to bed early so they won’t find out what a MONSTER I am lol. I’m actually a pretty cool teacher. IF I MAY SAY SO MYSELF, lolol.
Not complaining about that like some little shithead, just saying, I’m more hungover than your mom the day after you were conceived.
Also, my boss is pretty far up my asshole this weekend about getting the course website completely in order before classes start on Monday. So I’ll be working when I can.
Here’s a quickie pic of pug at the beach, more pics to come today. YOU CAN ACT FASCINATED NOW.
Filed under: bored, chillin today, embarrassing, fashion, pug, tv, video games, you
What’s that? You don’t care about this? Oh yes you do. [They're heeled jellies, btw.]
Contrary to the pug’s extreme rudeness, my feet do not stink. From the “Melissa” (shoe brand) website:
“A few years ago, to add to the melissa experience, the decision was made to infuse all melissa shoes with a sweet bubblegum smell. ”
K so the answer is obviously douchebag. Well anyway, here’s this:
The Reasons I Have Not Been Blogging! :(!
1) I had the Black Lung for 3 weeks, and so was unable to sleep on my right side.
2) Excessive staring (like most things, best done in moderation).
3) Been playing Wii Bowling so much that I have developed a rash on my throwing-arm. I admit this to you in confidence, so you are legally prohibited from making fun.
And now, Questions For My Twat Tacos:
a) What is the best movie/show you have seen in the past few?
b) What is the most embarrassing?
Guys, do oysters have sex? Or do they make love. But seriously dudes, my google is broken or my fingertips are delicate and I still want to know how they reproduce. I’ve never seen “oyster penis” on any “Bizarre Foods” type of show, so I’m assuming the bebes arrive via stork.
I was facing a giant plate of raw oysters yesterday (with no penises – I checked), a situation I continue to put myself in only to grimace my way through. What other things sound good, but actually aren’t?
- Degree collecting
- Substituting powdered coffee creamer for milk in scrambled eggs or anything else
- Eating raw ginger
- Letting a pug sleep with you on the hammock (cause every time you need to get up, it’s precarious and like Pug Jenga — NOT a pug’s favorite game)
*I wore those candy-cane tights to work yesterday, and of course ran into my boss, his exec assistant, his mother, etc. They each seemed to be having conversation with my tights instead of with me. Just want 2 b me and wear authentic tights.
Still ten pounds FATTIER since before I started working again, but better than the fifteen lb’s of McDonald’s I was carrying around. An actual MEDICAL DOCTOR once told me that if you poke the yoke out of an Egg McMuffin, it is “super healthy”. Not so, mon frere. Or maybe it’s to do with my local McDonald’s penchant for soaking things in butter.
Filed under: bored, chillin today, eating food, fashion, hammock, people I would sleep with, pug
My week. Warning about the 50 or so f-bombs: there are 50 or so f-bombs.
It was the official beginning of my weekend and I was sauced on margaritas. Sry. <3
I just want to build a giant pillow fort today and not ever come out. I have so much work to do and I want to run away from home, teenager-style: backpack and get on the Greyhound, only to return 3 days later and 10 pounds thinner.
Dudes, I just ate my morning fatgirl tacos, and guess what:
I don’t feel so good and I’m way tired. Howevs, today I have to write an hour-long lecture on spamdexing or some shit for tomorrow’s class, then do research for Scary Meeting on Friday, and also get in at least 30 minutes of wall-staring. :(
I suppose I will make a list:
Pros: I am tired, I am already in the hammock and my pug is here sleeping so WHY CAN’T I, and also I have a lot of work right now.
Cons: I already had some coffee, I have to wake up early tomorrow so I should rilly not stay up till one tonight, and I have so much fucking work to do today
Clearly, the Pros have it. Why does it seem like someone’s grandma hacked into my blog and created this post. This is like the gayest post ever.
She’s still pissed about the whole “Denver” thing.
For the entire trip, she was all, “Denver can suck it, MOM. Thx a lot go buy me an Egg McMuffin.” Which I of course DID, because pugs are very emo in the first place, and also she refused to eat her dog food for days.
You can see her enjoying the Egg McMuffinous fruits of her petulance in the following “A Pug in Denver” montage:
This hotel connection is pure shit. At least there is one, right? The internets are half full.
Watching Family Guy, drinking a Miller Lite and grossing out on my dog’s tourist-food-farts [she refuses to eat her dog food right now, so she gets half of my Huevos Rancheros from the restaurant next door]. There’s actually a “lobster mac n chee” at some steakhouse that I’m going to eat the shit out of on Wednesday night. I sound like such a d-bag.
Filed under: denver, embarrassing, fashion, intertron, me me me, oh fuck, pug, trips, working
I’m giving an epic hour-long presentation tomorrow on some shit I know nothing about. So I’m looking forward to that.
Hey guys every time I buy a dress from Modcloth, they feel the need to throw in the weirdest of shit. Such as:
That is clearly a bear with a tape measure coming out of its mouth. Last time, the bonus was a giant pterodactyl necklace. Fuckin awesome?
Anyway, I’m driving to Denver tomorrow with the PUG after my public humiliation is over (the presentation, remember?). I’ll be cooped up in a motel most of the week with puggleton, so I’ll be making videos with the intent of majorly freaking you out.
I’m also being pressured to go White Water Rafting, and anyone who knows me knows that I do not like White Water, Rafting, or Being Outside. So you can expect some pics of me looking really pissed and wet.
Filed under: Tony Hawk, embarrassing, intertron, me me me, my oddities, oh fuck, pug, video games
Keyboard: 1 Angela: 0
Oh, where to begin with this shit. Those of you reading my noxious tumbling already know that I recently spilled red wine (from the finest of gas stations) all over my laptop keyboard. I have two degrees in Computer Science and have destroyed two computers in 3 months. HIGH FIVE.
The first one I took out as described here. This latest episode is more embarrassing.
SCENE: I’ve just finished watching “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape”, and have decided to pretend that I am a retarded person. ? So I’m sitting cross-legged on the couch, glass of wine on the tray, and I take my left foot in my left hand, and start slapping it spastically against my right leg. Wine glass goes flying, and my keyboard is fucked (I was still optimistic at this point, though).
I tried rinsing it [removed from the machine, obv] and drying it in the sun, to no avail. Decided to try feeding it to my dog, or drop kicking it:
In the end, I bought an “invincible” and “magical” and “rubber” keyboard (USB). You can spill wine on it, roll it up in a ball, and generally hate all over it and everything will be just fine. I have done a demonstration for you below, and I look pretty stupid doing it:
More pics of this mess tomorrow on my tumblr. I post some fucking *bullshit* on that thing, but at a much higher frequency than over here. So if you want to hear about my every fart and indiscretion, or just hear me announce on a regular basis that I am playing Tony Hawk, eating spaghetti and scratching my ass, see there. <3 <3 <3. Cooterheads.
Filed under: MTV must die, Tony Hawk, eating food, embarrassing, fashion, me me me, pug, tv, video games, working
Today was not a good day.
I had to go to a family function this evening, and so put on the HAPPY DRESS of SUNSHINE. And RAINBOWS. Didn’t work.
I forgave the pug her previous indiscretions, although she doesn’t deserve it.
Growing up, I used to have this “Book of Farts”. It put a name to your various farts, including the “Thank God I’m Alone” fart and the “Silent But Deadly” fart (obv). I used to think about this during class and start lol’ing like a weirdo. That and the old rectangular Garfield books:
TONIGHT’S BUSINESS: Watch “I Love Money”, eat red wine + leftover mac n chee and play Tony Hawk. Tomorrow is my Day of Action!!! I shall be productive tomorrow….Wait for it… ?
I’m watching “Reality Bites” for the second time in as many nights. Because I am OLD.
A chipmunk farts narcissistic sometimes and especially on Father’s Day. Ate 200-too-many scrimps tonight. I have barfed up a collage:
As you may know, I fried my hard drive last month by slamming my laptop onto the ground while hoisting that ass onto the couch.
I learned my lesson about the couch but today I had to get in the kiddie pool again bc I had the weekly meeting this morning, and therefore must party (equlas get in the kiddie pool with miller lite, two unread US Weekly’s and a night’s worth of Tony Hawk).
I have my new laptop perched on a chair next to the kiddie pool (which has a slow leak ,like everything else in my LIFE (lol)). But dudes, I can’t hear my music very well if I don’t.
