Filed under: Laura Linney's vagina, bored, chillin today, dating, fashion, intertron, you
Pisses me off. So I’m gonna keep it gangsta at http://fuglyshoes.tumblr.com/. If it doesn’t change your life, you are made of stone.
***Other Breaking News***
-Sexual harrassment is alive and well this week! <333 inappropriateness in the workplace. I have FINALLY arrived.
-Guys, I can tell what your dick looks like by looking at your hands. I think.
-I challenge any one of you to wear a more obnoxious outfit. TO WORK. Prove it, and I’ll send you something in the mail. Good luck getting past the obnoxion of these shoes:
-This website looks like someone threw up all over it. Time to change it.
-If a cat keeps chillin’ at your doorstep, eats like he hasn’t been fed in 80 thousand years, and still has his nuts, does that mean he has no owner? Meaning, can I keep him? I’m asking.
-I have to give a talk at a conference in San Francisco next week. PROJECTILE VOMIT.
Well TOO BAD. Here goes, and it’s not’s good:
My vagina is borderline retarded 
. IQ scoring is considered as follows:
1) Why grow so much hair? I asked the intertron:
– The pubes catch and carry ’round your bodily funk (aka pheremones). If you find a dude with very different smelling pubes, you should probably hook up with him STAT, because your genetic differences will allow your potential rugrats to more effectively fight off disease.
*Why my vagina is stupid: I have no desire to have children, nor to smell your sticky pubes and quantify our differences. We have discussed this, vagina. FAIL.
-The pubes “importantly” keep our loins warm, which doesn’t make sense, since a male’s pubic hair is concentrated above the penile region, and not so much on the testes (depending on the testes in question, of course [I guess]).
*Why my vagina is stupid: it doesn’t catch colds, pretty much ever, and I think my reproductive organs are further up anyway [yes, I know you don't catch colds from weather, but I've never been like DAMN my vag is frozen like a bag of peas.]
2) Vaginas bleed on a regular basis, and if you think that is a hassle, multiply it by 1,000, then raise that to the power of infinity.
*Why my vagina is stupid: it bleeds buckets each month, even though I’ve told it time and time again that I will not be having a kid this month, next month, or any other month. I realize that there are methods for getting around this, but I’m wary of hormones and side effects of anything besides the pull-out method with a monogamous partner who has been thoroughly tested.
-Side note: The pull-out method is 100% effective.
3) The hair will ALWAYS grow back, in spite of any attempts at reason
*Why my vagina is stupid: you would really fucking think that it would catch on after 5 – 10 years of snipping or hacking away, but that is one stubborn vagina.
Guys? Anything comparable? You can’t beat the menstrual issue, sorry. Your only hope is to complain about tangling of your equipment and hairs. I can think of nothing else specific to your business.
On the bright side, some idiot on the internet (because I am clearly a genius contributor to the internet) suggests that “Pubic hair is an evolutionary adaptation for lathering your soap in the shower.” OK. I’ll concede this point. Well played, freak.
