It’s a collection of figurines that are up for like, sale, called “Forever in Blue Jeans”. Who would collect this? This is insane.
I love my igoogle pussycat. She’s always doing what I’m doing, except when she decides it’s time for some light gardening.
Shit like this is why I love teh webz. Some fucking how, I end up meeting the most awesome people that I totes never would have before. You guys know I’m going through some shit right now and your comments and luv make me 
. Even though it is quite the sausage fest around here, has anyone else noticed that? Maybe I’m just too vulgar for the LADIEZ lol.
http://insanemission.com/2009/07/right/
See? F’awesome. “…lyrical catalog of a venerealy diseased sailor.” Yes, that would be me.
[UPDATE: http://insanemission.com/2009/07/does-2-beers-twitter-wordpress-yahoo-mail-google-wave/] True story, yo.
Remember that stupid-ass “Guess how many loads of laundry my fucking room has” contest I subjected you guys to? Well, commenter “Blacknapkin” (he has several other aliases, such as: Reverened Twatking, Lord and Lady Twatkin, etc. lol cause is he a fucking NUT and I just love him so much) — anyway, that was a hell of a bad sentence, so I’ll just say that “Black Napkin” won in an email submission.
He actually lives in UK, but I ordred the “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” dvd from amazon.co.uk and he and his family fucking loved it. Which makes me soooo happy, bc I’ve probably seen it about 50 times myself.
Anyway, here are pics here very kindly snapped of him receiving the movie in the mail. Contragulations my darling BlackNapkin!
For everyone else, I know I haven’t been blogging lately, or like fucking AT ALL, since school started. That’ll change, probably post again today. Teaching an actual programming class is harder than teaching a “Microsoft Word applications” class, but it’s actually really fun, dare I shat it maybe even rules? Cray, right.
-Electronic mail from my BOSSZ:
-Adding an old high school friend on Facebook, then clicking on their “INFO” tab:
Sarah Palin? Really, dude?
And I’m working SO HARD on my new endeavor over here: http://fuglyshoes.tumblr.com, please go see. xx
Filed under: Laura Linney's vagina, bored, chillin today, dating, fashion, intertron, you
Pisses me off. So I’m gonna keep it gangsta at http://fuglyshoes.tumblr.com/. If it doesn’t change your life, you are made of stone.
***Other Breaking News***
-Sexual harrassment is alive and well this week! <333 inappropriateness in the workplace. I have FINALLY arrived.
-Guys, I can tell what your dick looks like by looking at your hands. I think.
-I challenge any one of you to wear a more obnoxious outfit. TO WORK. Prove it, and I’ll send you something in the mail. Good luck getting past the obnoxion of these shoes:
-This website looks like someone threw up all over it. Time to change it.
-If a cat keeps chillin’ at your doorstep, eats like he hasn’t been fed in 80 thousand years, and still has his nuts, does that mean he has no owner? Meaning, can I keep him? I’m asking.
-I have to give a talk at a conference in San Francisco next week. PROJECTILE VOMIT.
But don’t worry, I’m not on suicide (homicide) watch yet.
*****BORING DETAILS ALERT*****
I used to work on biological networks, but I’m not a biologist, so I wanted to stab my eyes out every day. I’ve always wanted to work on poverty problems, but as I’ve noted before, that’s a pretty crazy thing to try and write a Computer Science dissertation on.
I pointed all of this out during fart meeting, and mister silver-tongued gypsy man was all, “Boo-yah! I’ll let you work on social networks and you can fix poverty like that. And terrorism.”
Btw, by social networks I mean this kind:
and not this kind:
Then he shoved a research paper in my face about “Social Network Capital, Economic Mobility and Poverty Traps” in developing countries, and I figured he won again so I pretty much got up and left. Cause that sounds pretty cool, right guys? Guys?
You may now begin placing bets amongst yourselves about when this post will make the rounds again. By my watch, should be about same time next year. I guess no one’s gonna pay me to pet kittens and puppies all day, so I may as well try this.
BONUS MATERIAL — and SPEAKING of social networks — and breastfeeding — Nakkins is one of the Greater Digital Artists of our time!
The upper-middle class mothers are up in arms because:
a) the grossly inequitable distribution of world resources
b) Darfur
c) their beautiful (nope) pics of exposed breast with baby mouth attached were removed from facebook.
The answer is neither “a” nor “b”, but this is making NATIONAL NEWS. They are fucking *pissed*, even thought it does violate facebook TOS to display your areola. The pic above does not even display full-on breasticle, so it is actually acceptable (as the term applies to legal sensibilities, not my own, yikes). But IT IS NOT ENOUGH. ”I MUST SHOW THE FULL-ON ACTION.”
Breast-feeding is good for baby. I don’t know if being punched in the face with a pic like this of a friend on facebook is going to change anyone’s mind about the topic.
*Granted, I have complained (as I was reminded by Sir Robert) about “My BANGZ needing to get the shit out my FACE”, and other such nonsense, but I’m not sitting on my living room floor and petitioning to have my post-preggo boob shoved in someone’s face. Maybe I’m just angsty today. I have to give an hour-long-talk for work on a really hard topic this Friday, and I’m concerned because as of today, I DON’T GET IT. Not even a little bit. Hopefully I will be fired?
Filed under: farts, hammock, intertron, me me me, movies, oh fuck, teaching, what a dick, working
I know I don’t have to explain this to you, because I am clearly one of the better Camera Artists of Our Time and you guys appreciate art. I can tell. But this piece, which I was moved to capture this morning, is entitled “Loneliness” because OBVS, just look at it, and also cause every joy has been sucked out of my life since I am also the Stupidest Decision Maker of Our Time.
Agenda for the first day of the rest of my life:
- Download more music because I am a moron who throws computers around and doesn’t back up her shit
- resolve my love/bored/confused relationship with Yo La Tengo, Bloc Party and Broken Social Scene
- figure out how to get Pandora to work WITH me and not AGAINST me (just cause I marked that I liked a song doesn’t mean I’m OBSESSED with it)
- Write an exam for the class test tomorrow
- Respond to 50 intermittent emails about why students can’t make the exam tomorrow due to recent bodily harm
- Thrash around on the hammock and complain for 30 minutes before I start my research (for MEETING tomorrow, h8 meetings 4 lyfe just everyone leave me alone)
Also I can’t set my fucking path right on this stupid computer machine. Do you know how much time I have wasted today? This whole “coming-in-to-work” cubicle thing is making me nuts. I’ve already spent half the day wandering around, peeing just in case I had to, buying a coffee, checking my upstairs mailbox that’s always empty, and investigating the marijuana scent I SWEAR I smelled outside but it was just this one plant with purple flowers.
Filed under: bored, chillin today, denver, eating food, intertron, me me me, oh fuck, trips, working
ASSHOLE ALERT: Whenever I see before me a tiny plate of over-priced food, e.g. GOAT CHEESE BALLS (referring to the shape and not the testicles), I am reminded that I am an ass. From my “Denver: Weight Gain 2000″ trip:
These were voted Denver’s “#1 Fried Cheese”. I vote them “Tasted Like Asshole”.
I thought I loved ANYTHING cheese. But as it turns out, I only like lower-middle class cheese, such as brie, extra-sharp cheddar (getting fancy), and I dunno, gorgonzola? This isn’t the first time I’ve tangled with the goat cheese. It just sounds good at the restaurant (what? it does to me), but then I order it and become very sad when I have to eat it.
Hey my paper was submitted! Go team! It is here [edit: email me if you want the link, as if you want the link] but you have to download it (suck), and believe me it is FASCINATING. If it’s accepted, I can go to the conference in San Fransisco and order more goat balls!
So I fucking. did it. again. with the laptop. Practically threw it on the ground this time, and it is fucked. Third laptop I have taken out in 4 months. NOT KIDDING (see here and here). Thankfully, I am borrowing one from school. Next time I buy one, I will store valued and irreplaceable data on it, then just shoot it directly in the face with a gun.
Filed under: embarrassing, fashion, intertron, me me me, oh fuck, teaching, working
Look. I just want you to be happy. See I even made this for you:
You’re welcome. I really painted that, btw. Last week and I did all of it myself. It’s yours and for only 5 dollars!
Option B: You tell me where you want to go. I get fixed up and ride along with you in the car. I read the directions off of my ass, then we arrive, and everyone has a nice time:
That is for 6 dollars.
Why? For one, I don’t think my paper will be submitted by midnight. I just got a funky email from my advisor, who was adding his parts and fixing my work and trying to get it in on time, but he was being all weird and using emoticons and shit. And not in a good way, but in a nervous or in an I-have-some-bad-news-for-you kind of way.
For two, I just get so pumped about teaching that I face plant on the carpet and give myself a third-degree rug burn (KNEE GASH) in front of the children.
The wide-eyed 19-yr old children, who felt so embarrassed for me that they sent me unsolicited emails all day to say that it wasn’t so bad or they’re sure my day will get better.
19-yr olds telling me to suck it up, that is why.
Filed under: eating food, embarrassing, fashion, hammock, intertron, me me me, oh fuck, teaching, working
Fuck. I just stayed there on the ground. I didn’t even get up for a while. Then I mumbled half the lecture, let class out early, and relived the whole thing for the rest of the day. THIS WILL BE ADDED TO MY EMBARRASSING MOMENTS REEL IMMEDIATELY. There is an interesting detail about this that I can’t share here, but I’ll email a few of you and tell. It makes things exponentially worse, it was situational and unfortunate and I usually don’t roll like this, but if you have a creative mind you can probably figure it out.
So obviously, TODAY IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. I have a 5-page technical paper to write and submit for a conference by tomorrow at midnight, and I found out about it yesterday evening. Just got home after having most of my writing shit-canned by my advisor, now settling into the hammock to continue writing gently into that good night. Poured a glass of red and eating ’sketti tonight for dinn, cause I deserve it after this skank-ass of a day.
I ordered this ring, though! Pretty gay, right? I’ll show you gay when it comes in on Thursday. I want the necklace too, but maybe I should quit being so retarded.
I killed it in my meetings today, if by “killed it” you mean showing up 20 minutes late to a seminar presentation, and drawing boxes and lines spastically on a white board in the subsequent meeting. Then sharing that I did not get much sleep last night [sharing this is not good advice, don't fucking do that and if you accidentally did, change the subject and fast].
Next: There is a Dove-sponsored “School for Self-Esteem of Totally Normal Girls” that I just saw a commercial for. Oh, good! No. Seems like an insane waste of time and money. Maybe these girls just shouldn’t propagate if they already have issues. [This is different from a program where the children are disfigured or mentally something-or-other. The purpose here is to free normal girls who are at a healthy weight from the evil beauty stereotypes in magazines. Dove != Oprah and this promotion is overboard.]
When did I become so crotchety? Guess I’m just tired from busting ass all week. Today is beer, bbq, hammock, internet-for-pleasure-instead-of-programming, and buying the brightest tights online that I can find to cheer me up. Because I’m an asshole and things like that cheer me up.
Speaking of a-holes [I don't really think you guys are a-holes, just occasional twat blockers], THANKS for not voting on my thing like I asked earlier:
“Think you could do me a solid and vote in the comments regarding these two vids?
The first (apparentely boring) one is here:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyjzOMSDa9g. The other one is at the blog post here, and the youtube link for it is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qM53FJt9gNE.
I guess the clip here is clip A, and the other one is clip B. Thanks, I’m trying to win the Internet Moron 2008 award, and your feedback is invaluable. From all 2 of you.”
MikeTwatterson voted, so he is exempt from the following picture. As for the rest of you:
This hotel connection is pure shit. At least there is one, right? The internets are half full.
Watching Family Guy, drinking a Miller Lite and grossing out on my dog’s tourist-food-farts [she refuses to eat her dog food right now, so she gets half of my Huevos Rancheros from the restaurant next door]. There’s actually a “lobster mac n chee” at some steakhouse that I’m going to eat the shit out of on Wednesday night. I sound like such a d-bag.
Filed under: denver, embarrassing, fashion, intertron, me me me, oh fuck, pug, trips, working
I’m giving an epic hour-long presentation tomorrow on some shit I know nothing about. So I’m looking forward to that.
Hey guys every time I buy a dress from Modcloth, they feel the need to throw in the weirdest of shit. Such as:
That is clearly a bear with a tape measure coming out of its mouth. Last time, the bonus was a giant pterodactyl necklace. Fuckin awesome?
Anyway, I’m driving to Denver tomorrow with the PUG after my public humiliation is over (the presentation, remember?). I’ll be cooped up in a motel most of the week with puggleton, so I’ll be making videos with the intent of majorly freaking you out.
I’m also being pressured to go White Water Rafting, and anyone who knows me knows that I do not like White Water, Rafting, or Being Outside. So you can expect some pics of me looking really pissed and wet.
