Maaaan, I was gonna go to this badass party w/my BFF Deanne, but I passed out cause I had taught all early-ass that morning. Omitting details, I ended up crashing for a nizzap, then woke up and had some wine => ended up agreeing to go to a VFW (Veterans of Foreign Wars) bar party with my PARENTS.
As if that weren’t enough, because it apparently WASN’T, I spent most of the night drinking wine and dancing with my own MOTHER. My step-dad wanted to die, I’m sure of it. I still managed to catch a MAJE hangover, which I’m nursing right now with hair-of-the-dog.
You GUYS. Firstly, when I got back from Hawaii, my router was all fucked up, so I’m posting this while sitting atop a mountain of clothing because I have to sit in this hellhole of a room to use internets (other than my beloved/heavily abused gphone).
Anyway, those of you who know me IRL know that I made a decision to start doing all these healthyish things as soon as I got back. Such as:
*starting to run
*quitting smoking cigarettes (WHITE KNUCKLING IT, expect some posts telling all of you how much I H8 u even though I actually heart all of you so hard)
*quitting doing certain things and/or people that I need to stop “doing”
*quitting the PhD program, which I tried to do via gphone email (literally) at the airport bar. GUESS WHAT, didn’t work. Why doesn’t it work? How does this continue to happen? I’ve done this, what, 8 times now? God, I almost wanna check my blog archives just to record my own audacity. Anyway, he was like, no. ”Whatever, Ang. I”ll placate you for now, and I’ma let u finish, but you’re gonna gradumate cause I’m a new professor and I don’t care.”
*getting a house keeper every two weeks
[Ed. Note: Check out the difference between gphone pics and iphone pics. iphone pic is the clear one in the middle fml]
Filed under: ackahol
HAHAHAA hey guys, remember those awesome seven fucking times that I cocktail waitressed at the titty bar? My friend from high school just sent me a msg, like 3 weeks later, apologizing profusely for having asked repeatedly while there (was intoxicated) if I could get permission to give him a lap dance (cocktail waitresses are NOT allowed to writhe around).
I was just like, LOL, Oh YOU hahha.
You guys know how I feel about the fucking “Yahoo! Answers” community, as in they are gonna end up getting us all killed, but this gentleman sure wants to know what he’s talking about: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070817155434AAILCAX
There are certain things about my ex that I miss, and most all of them deal with administrivia, aka changing light bulbs and MAKING ME THE FUD. He made dinner every night because he’s a little girl, but we’ve been friendly lately so I feel bad about ragging on him for being such a LITTLE GIRL. Anyway, I’m learning how to cook!
Recipe for boiled chicken:
1) Buy a chicken
2) Defrost it, try to get it all defrosted (even in the center), or you get AIDS
3) Boil it until you’re like, so sure that’s it’s cooked that it’s like really dry
4) Put ketchup on it
5) SWEET BERRY WINE. “Because I SIT WITH IT”
First of all, I for real got an email from a student today with the subject line, “HORSEBACK RIDING”.
K, it’s related to an assignment, barely, and in a way that you don’t need to understand, but fuck that was weird. I’m still not sure if it’s more “lol” or “fml”.
Also, there’s this, from “funny likes on facebook” (forget who to credit this for, @GoodWhiteman maybe [Edit: it was @adamontherun, and the correct sn is @WhiteGoodman, anyway]):
This is for real my fucking playlist right now: http://blip.fm/profile/angelakdean/playlist. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT. It’s like, I’m a chick, or something. I know that most of you guys are male, but I also know that most of you work 9-5 and use headphones at work, and you can just thank me later for making you feel like a 12-yr old who just got her first period. And yes, Taylor Swift is present. And not because of my husby Kanye and his latest Kanye-Being-Kanye, it’s cause I DO WHAT I WANT.
So, I hate being a cocktail waitress most of the time, and especially when I have to deal with drunk guys trying to touch my hands (I fuuucking hate that (not from guys in gen, just from guys at the titty bar when I’m fucking hustlin’ and I’d probably be happier selling used cars)) and godknowswhatelse they try to swipe at. This right here for my cat’s chemo is why it *was* worth it, but I’m getting fucking sick of that environment. I need to find a diff job that pays on the quick and doesn’t involve old guys with hella alcohol breff trying to grab my ass.
I was told that I could actually embed this vid into wordpress, but either Dailymotion.com is a liar, or they take a while and it’ll show up like 3 times tomorrow. http://www.dailymotion.com/relevance/search/mazzy/video/x67um_jesus-mary-chain-sometimes-always_music. It was my favorite thing evar like 50 years ago. [EDIT: Yep, 12 hours later, they all show up. I left one below so you don't have to click.]
Look, I don’t know what this TwitterMoms.com is, and I don’t want to, either. But how is pot the new pilates? I can guess that they’re saying, Moms, stop doing pilates and just smoke pot. So whatever. If you twatsprinks wanna look into it, keep us updated because I can’t bring myself to go to that website. It sounds horrible.
So I was misbehaving at work the other day (duh), and got like mega intoxicated because of an old hispanic man who kept pouring Goldshlagger down my throat. I supposedly was thinking, “Good I’m really making this place of business a nice profit”, or maybe I was thinking “Goldshlagger! Cool!” Anyway, my mid-level manager saved me from the GM, who wanted to fire my ass. I just have to take “fake shots” from now on that are like koolaid and shit, but the customers think I’m steady drinkin’.
Not drinking there is for the best, anyway, I have to drive home really late at night and do we all remember my little “incident”? I’m both Azn and a Woman, so I’ve already got two strikes against me with the whole “driving” thing. Also, I’m not really feelin’ the club enviornment lately, hope I can stop doing this soon. For now, the money is good and I’m just happy that I didn’t get my dumbass fired. Yet.
[Edit: from the comments section by @fartknocker or @fartboner or something, try this http://lmgtfy.com/ and do an actual query, it made me rofl till I vommed. "rofltiv"?]
I have renamed this vid “FML”. And no, that is not me. What’s really funny is that I referenced my own little “incident”, as does she and I hadn’t even seen the vid yet. Again, FML.
1) I will run into one of my students. Fuck that.
2) Having to carry a heavy tray of drinks while wearing heels.
3) Consequently spilling beer on a ‘patron’ or whatever.
4) What if I get grossed?
5) Well, they’re not allowed to hug me unless they tip me $300. I wish that I were kidding. The interviewing manager instructed me on this.
I have to wear BLACK SLACKS, I don’t get it, but whatever. Why can’t I this?:
Okay, the one on the right is too extreme, but the one on the left is better than black fucking slacks. I stuffed the fuck out of my bra for the interview, and I haven’t put up recent pics lately, but I lost about 10 elbows since then and I’m just going to stuff my fucking bra.
As you all know and are tired of hearing about, I just broke up with my dude. DUH. Well I’ve been keeping the fuck busy, but hangin’ with my girls and drinking the ackahol so much can’t remain a permanent thing. I need a damn hobby. Ideas, please. I’m being cereal for once, tell me what to do with myself, I only teach on Mon & Wed, and with my other time I swim but I’m getting so tan that people are beginning to question my ethnicity.
It has been suggested to me that I exercise, and I have a Wii Fit, but we all know that is complete bullshit. I’ve been told to power walk, but….
No one has ever power walked and looked hot doing it. NO ONE. Do not argue with me on this. And I’m a singleton now, so I need to look hot 24/7, naw mean? Can’t be cock blocking (or twat swatting if you will) my own damn self, that’s other people’s job.
So give me some hobbies? I do need to exercise, though. Maybe I will post a vid of myself doing the Wii fit hula hoop workout. Not in my panties though like the others circulating round the net, sorry guys but my parents are still alive.
Not complaining about that like some little shithead, just saying, I’m more hungover than your mom the day after you were conceived.
Also, my boss is pretty far up my asshole this weekend about getting the course website completely in order before classes start on Monday. So I’ll be working when I can.
Here’s a quickie pic of pug at the beach, more pics to come today. YOU CAN ACT FASCINATED NOW.
when JenEffect and I hang out…
I eat your queso. I eat it up!
There is some queso in me. I want no one else to have it. I hate most people.
We are fucking pigz.
