Hi yes I routinely look at my naked ass in the mirror. YOU DO IT, TOO, so hush your face. The accident scene was such a blur and the EMT’s did several things to me with gauze and liquids, but I did not recall anyone aiding my ass with band. Took me a while, but I finally remembered that the fucking bitch doctor wouldn’t give me painkillers, and instead told a nurse to put some pseudo-strong ibuprofen into my glute. MYSTERY SOLVED.
[EDIT: She eventually gave me the painkillers after I threw a shitfit.]
Well, firsties, I’m so happy to be typing and breathing in and out! I canNOT believe I walked away from that shit in one halfassitudinous piece. Had to get stitches up in my knee shit.
BEFORE:
AFTER:
I am the sort of moron who is just happy that they had pink bandages. And small pic of the car cause I can’t bear the image:
Anyway, they had to give me an ultrasound to check for liver damage because blah blah blah, and while the technician was rubbin’ the thing up on my belly and looking inside of me, I was like, “Can you see the baby?” And his face was like, 
*oh noes!* I gave him about 5 seconds of terror, then said, JK. Fucker was a fast one and then asked me, “What if I had said yes?” ”Then I must be the next Virgin Mary.” (I’m a virgin you guys, duh.)
*Thanks for the “cheer up” socks you gave, Robert! You have awesome taste in socks! :) 
I wore the “cheer up” workout outfit today at the clinic, too! Comfy!
Filed under: Uncategorized
I flipped my car over today. Was texting on a keypad and flew over the meridian. An older Hispanic man fished me out, upside down, and made me pray with him. I was so shooken up, I didn’t even giggle. Fuck, at least I’m alive.
I took a shower with a plastic bag taped over my bandaged knee, which they strongly suggested I get sutured. Did not want. Severe cut on finger I so wisely removed will not stop BLEEDING ITS ASS OFF. Also, my AC is broken! Celebrate!!!
I am SO ordering pizza tonight FTW. My car is totaled.
As you all know and are tired of hearing about, I just broke up with my dude. DUH. Well I’ve been keeping the fuck busy, but hangin’ with my girls and drinking the ackahol so much can’t remain a permanent thing. I need a damn hobby. Ideas, please. I’m being cereal for once, tell me what to do with myself, I only teach on Mon & Wed, and with my other time I swim but I’m getting so tan that people are beginning to question my ethnicity.
It has been suggested to me that I exercise, and I have a Wii Fit, but we all know that is complete bullshit. I’ve been told to power walk, but….
No one has ever power walked and looked hot doing it. NO ONE. Do not argue with me on this. And I’m a singleton now, so I need to look hot 24/7, naw mean? Can’t be cock blocking (or twat swatting if you will) my own damn self, that’s other people’s job.
So give me some hobbies? I do need to exercise, though. Maybe I will post a vid of myself doing the Wii fit hula hoop workout. Not in my panties though like the others circulating round the net, sorry guys but my parents are still alive.
Shit like this is why I love teh webz. Some fucking how, I end up meeting the most awesome people that I totes never would have before. You guys know I’m going through some shit right now and your comments and luv make me 
. Even though it is quite the sausage fest around here, has anyone else noticed that? Maybe I’m just too vulgar for the LADIEZ lol.
http://insanemission.com/2009/07/right/
See? F’awesome. “…lyrical catalog of a venerealy diseased sailor.” Yes, that would be me.
[UPDATE: http://insanemission.com/2009/07/does-2-beers-twitter-wordpress-yahoo-mail-google-wave/] True story, yo.
*Gynecologist (Seems like all fun and games until you really think about the general population, or “genpop” if you used to watch Oz on HBO)
*Dog pound euthanizer
*Programmer (JK JK I’m probs gonna be doing that in 2 months, so future employers, know that I am kidding (I am not kidding))
Alright, your turn. Go nuts. I’m just freshly living alone, staring at the walls and watching chick movies, so prease to amuse me, guys. I’m so bored I even did all of my work WTF.
Also, I took comment approval off, I don’t think my ex is gonna be a dick about it. BUT WE SHALL SEE, WON’T WE.
Filed under: pug
Yes, xmas tree still up. Washed the pug’s bed today and she crashed out stat.
UPDATE: I’m approving blog comments for the minute. Shit’s gettin’ too real around here (see below). That post may or may not have been tacky, but this is *my* blog goddammit and it’s just therapeutic. I do what I want! Lol.
Filed under: Uncategorized
So am I going to handle this gracefully? No. Nope.
I hate your cat. I have always hated your cat. I will continue to hate your cat until I die. He fucked up my couch, too.
I hope your next girlfriend is fat, ugly and stupid. I hope you fart in a meeting.
That is all. I don’t have much nice to say after you broke our agreements. Unfuckingcool.
Filed under: Laura Linney's Breasts, bored, chillin today, cool music, me me me
Oh yeah and LL’s breasts (Semi-SFW):
Yeah, I’m recycling my blog shit now. You gotta cut me some slack cause I’m going through some bullshit but I still wanna talk to you guys. So emo it hurts, lol.
Hey fuckers, how are you? I’m pissed because I have to do actual work today (grading and fixing class website and shit.)
My mom has some fucked up taste in shoez. Look at this shit:
WTF is that. No really, what is that. How does one walk in those things? My nose feels broken just thinking about it.
Yes, that is a can of chicken broth on my couch. That’s just how I roll, son. Chicken soup better be up on that couch by time I get home.
Really, it’s a fucking blast. Jk it is pure unadulterated hell sometimes even when it’s mostly mutual.
I bought these tacky ass hearts that feel like gummy bears, and I put them on my window. They’re making me feel better.
