Filed under: bored, chillin today, embarrassing, fashion, pug, tv, video games, you
What’s that? You don’t care about this? Oh yes you do. [They're heeled jellies, btw.]
Contrary to the pug’s extreme rudeness, my feet do not stink. From the “Melissa” (shoe brand) website:
“A few years ago, to add to the melissa experience, the decision was made to infuse all melissa shoes with a sweet bubblegum smell. ”
K so the answer is obviously douchebag. Well anyway, here’s this:
The Reasons I Have Not Been Blogging! :(!
1) I had the Black Lung for 3 weeks, and so was unable to sleep on my right side.
2) Excessive staring (like most things, best done in moderation).
3) Been playing Wii Bowling so much that I have developed a rash on my throwing-arm. I admit this to you in confidence, so you are legally prohibited from making fun.
And now, Questions For My Twat Tacos:
a) What is the best movie/show you have seen in the past few?
b) What is the most embarrassing?
Soon, twat sprinkles! I’m grading like bananas right now >:o
I ASSASSINATED that presentation.
Just kidding. But I didn’t die, vomit, OR start crying! Actually, I think I did pretty well for my first conference talk. OMFG PICTURZ:
Sorry I’ve been MIA! My connecting flight was canceled and other boring shit happened, but I’m back and holy crap did you guys see this last night? Or this? Or this?! [And thanks for the tights, Yipany!]
Ugh. Time to put on the big-girl panties, cause I’m giving my first talk at a conference. Fucking LAZER-POINTERZ. Grown-ups staring at me while I try not to act like a fucking spaz.
Not entirely sure how wearing BGP’s are gonna help me, but hell, I’ll give it a shot.
So it’s really great that not only do I have the SARS (I’m really ill and pretty sure this is what SARS feels like), but I also have Three Big Meetings tomorrow.
Two of the three involve PowerPoint slides accompanied by my voice, and I’m seriously considering wearing my SARS mask so people will get creeped and want to GTFO as soon as possible.
Yeah, you’re gonna want to wipe down your monitor after leaving here.
-Electronic mail from my BOSSZ:
-Adding an old high school friend on Facebook, then clicking on their “INFO” tab:
Sarah Palin? Really, dude?
And I’m working SO HARD on my new endeavor over here: http://fuglyshoes.tumblr.com, please go see. xx
Filed under: Laura Linney's vagina, bored, chillin today, dating, fashion, intertron, you
Pisses me off. So I’m gonna keep it gangsta at http://fuglyshoes.tumblr.com/. If it doesn’t change your life, you are made of stone.
***Other Breaking News***
-Sexual harrassment is alive and well this week! <333 inappropriateness in the workplace. I have FINALLY arrived.
-Guys, I can tell what your dick looks like by looking at your hands. I think.
-I challenge any one of you to wear a more obnoxious outfit. TO WORK. Prove it, and I’ll send you something in the mail. Good luck getting past the obnoxion of these shoes:
-This website looks like someone threw up all over it. Time to change it.
-If a cat keeps chillin’ at your doorstep, eats like he hasn’t been fed in 80 thousand years, and still has his nuts, does that mean he has no owner? Meaning, can I keep him? I’m asking.
-I have to give a talk at a conference in San Francisco next week. PROJECTILE VOMIT.
1) Find a napkin
2) Put it on
3) Pick out some weird shoes (key for distracting your question-asking opponents)
If you’re out of napkins, something like this’ll do:
That’s right. I just set women back 50 years. Tell me something new.
Dudes I have a doc appointment today, because I have pneumonia and I’m probably going to die. I decided it this morning. I swear there is fluid in my LUNGZ.
Only doc who would see me today is Creepy Large Samoan Man Doc who’s really into poking, prodding, and breathing on me. I foresee a Rape Shower this afternoon.
