OMG T-Givingz 2oo8:
1) Uncle Robert* regaled us with tales of Istanbul in the 60’s, where you may:
a) wipe your butt with your finger, then have that fingernail cleaned and spritzed with perfume by a presumably very sad lady attendant, OR
b) participate in the “Wall of Spoons” method, where there’s this wall, and everyone has their own spoon.
Nice, right.
2) I started World War III, natch (see Fig. 4c). Not kidding, either. Sry. Can’t help it.
3) I decided to get a new T-Givz dress overnighted because I am a bratty little shithead (it’s below). My NEW FAVORITE CUST SRVC REP waived the overnight fee. I almost proposed. I’m standing on my ancient piano there. Know any elves? That shit needs tuned.
4) I had to watch the football >:O. Not cool, guys. Did not want.
FIg. 4c (via HRO (that linky not always so SFW))
How was your T-Givingz? I’ve been drinking way too much scotch lately/again. Hope I don’t grow a beard. Did you know you can put scotch in egg nog instead of whiskey? You totes can. Maybe that’s duh but I was pleasantly surprised.
*he’s not really anyone’s “Uncle”
Filed under: Uncategorized
Yipany and non-Yipany’s, to answer the former’s question I would LORVE a pair of tights from mytights.com in one of these three patterns (they have these for rill.) The hearts pattern pwns all tights in existence but they’re all pretty bad-ass:
<33.
Well slap my rear and call me Sally if I didn’t find out today that I’m getting my very own assistant! This has been a dream of mine since I was like TWO.
The young man’s purpose in life will be to do all the bullshit programming that I don’t feel like doing. KICK FUCKING ASS.
I’m going to try and push it with him, just for funsies. I’ll start out slow — what minor task should I ask for first?
I’m thinking something along the lines of “grabbing me a soda”. He really is supposed to only program for me, but I am determined to abuse the living shit out of this and I must be stealthy…
If I play my cards right, I could have him fetching me black market amphibians (is there such a thing? Task #1 for Halfassitude Intern, find this out.)
Still ten pounds FATTIER since before I started working again, but better than the fifteen lb’s of McDonald’s I was carrying around. An actual MEDICAL DOCTOR once told me that if you poke the yoke out of an Egg McMuffin, it is “super healthy”. Not so, mon frere. Or maybe it’s to do with my local McDonald’s penchant for soaking things in butter.
Filed under: chillin today
1. Roll over; perform eye-crustie removal.
2. Assess self in bathroom mirror:
a. Face
b. Thighs
c. Tummy side-profile
3. Walk into kitchen at a pleasant pace. Say hello to animals.
4. Insert happy pill into happy mouth.
5. Plop into hammock and peruse guide for today’s harmless romantic comedies.
6. Experiment with drugs. Consider breakfast.
7. Open email with one hand covering eyes. Peek carefully.
Nearly every time I stop at a gas station betwixt the hours of 4 and 6pm, I see one or more blue-collar workers buying ONE large beer, +/- a lotto ticket.
I am confused about the cost / time efficiency of this, since isn’t it cheaper to buy in bulk? I do have my theories:
1) They go to each other’s houses on a rotating schedule, and it gets awkward or unevenly skewed when drinking the host’s beer.
2) They meet up with others at a parking lot or other outside venue, and they want their beer cold goddammit. And those insulated lunch-pack coolers with the strap look gay.
3) They drink it on the way home (most probable theory).
Instead of doing my real work today of which I have a shit-ton, I would like to tabulate the savings of buying at least a sixer of tallboys vs. this singleton nonsense. I’ll report my findings shortly.
