Are we really doing this? Firstly,
I don’t wanna. I said no! Secondly, THE MENSTRUAL CUP:
Yeah. It’s like that. For long trips, extreme laziness and eco-friendly grossness.
[Sorry, male reader(s). I don't know what you're being societally pressured into right now, else I would report on it. Too-deep V-necks? Lemme know.]
Did I somehow channel ANS with a mixture of the flu, a margarita, beer, and a birthday?
Filed under: Uncategorized
I’ll post a vid this afternoon once I get the stupid idiot twat-ware working for this fandangled video camera machine. Then we can decide together on the ANS issue:
Filed under: Uncategorized
on my tumblr at http://halfassitude.tumblr.com/
Filed under: bored, chillin today, denver, eating food, intertron, me me me, oh fuck, trips, working
ASSHOLE ALERT: Whenever I see before me a tiny plate of over-priced food, e.g. GOAT CHEESE BALLS (referring to the shape and not the testicles), I am reminded that I am an ass. From my “Denver: Weight Gain 2000″ trip:
These were voted Denver’s “#1 Fried Cheese”. I vote them “Tasted Like Asshole”.
I thought I loved ANYTHING cheese. But as it turns out, I only like lower-middle class cheese, such as brie, extra-sharp cheddar (getting fancy), and I dunno, gorgonzola? This isn’t the first time I’ve tangled with the goat cheese. It just sounds good at the restaurant (what? it does to me), but then I order it and become very sad when I have to eat it.
Hey my paper was submitted! Go team! It is here [edit: email me if you want the link, as if you want the link] but you have to download it (suck), and believe me it is FASCINATING. If it’s accepted, I can go to the conference in San Fransisco and order more goat balls!
So I fucking. did it. again. with the laptop. Practically threw it on the ground this time, and it is fucked. Third laptop I have taken out in 4 months. NOT KIDDING (see here and here). Thankfully, I am borrowing one from school. Next time I buy one, I will store valued and irreplaceable data on it, then just shoot it directly in the face with a gun.
Filed under: embarrassing, fashion, intertron, me me me, oh fuck, teaching, working
Look. I just want you to be happy. See I even made this for you:
You’re welcome. I really painted that, btw. Last week and I did all of it myself. It’s yours and for only 5 dollars!
Option B: You tell me where you want to go. I get fixed up and ride along with you in the car. I read the directions off of my ass, then we arrive, and everyone has a nice time:
That is for 6 dollars.
Why? For one, I don’t think my paper will be submitted by midnight. I just got a funky email from my advisor, who was adding his parts and fixing my work and trying to get it in on time, but he was being all weird and using emoticons and shit. And not in a good way, but in a nervous or in an I-have-some-bad-news-for-you kind of way.
For two, I just get so pumped about teaching that I face plant on the carpet and give myself a third-degree rug burn (KNEE GASH) in front of the children.
The wide-eyed 19-yr old children, who felt so embarrassed for me that they sent me unsolicited emails all day to say that it wasn’t so bad or they’re sure my day will get better.
19-yr olds telling me to suck it up, that is why.
Filed under: eating food, embarrassing, fashion, hammock, intertron, me me me, oh fuck, teaching, working
Fuck. I just stayed there on the ground. I didn’t even get up for a while. Then I mumbled half the lecture, let class out early, and relived the whole thing for the rest of the day. THIS WILL BE ADDED TO MY EMBARRASSING MOMENTS REEL IMMEDIATELY. There is an interesting detail about this that I can’t share here, but I’ll email a few of you and tell. It makes things exponentially worse, it was situational and unfortunate and I usually don’t roll like this, but if you have a creative mind you can probably figure it out.
So obviously, TODAY IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. I have a 5-page technical paper to write and submit for a conference by tomorrow at midnight, and I found out about it yesterday evening. Just got home after having most of my writing shit-canned by my advisor, now settling into the hammock to continue writing gently into that good night. Poured a glass of red and eating ’sketti tonight for dinn, cause I deserve it after this skank-ass of a day.
I ordered this ring, though! Pretty gay, right? I’ll show you gay when it comes in on Thursday. I want the necklace too, but maybe I should quit being so retarded.
Filed under: Uncategorized
Ep. 2, twat muffins. Let’s make this a Monday thing.
I killed it in my meetings today, if by “killed it” you mean showing up 20 minutes late to a seminar presentation, and drawing boxes and lines spastically on a white board in the subsequent meeting. Then sharing that I did not get much sleep last night [sharing this is not good advice, don't fucking do that and if you accidentally did, change the subject and fast].
Next: There is a Dove-sponsored “School for Self-Esteem of Totally Normal Girls” that I just saw a commercial for. Oh, good! No. Seems like an insane waste of time and money. Maybe these girls just shouldn’t propagate if they already have issues. [This is different from a program where the children are disfigured or mentally something-or-other. The purpose here is to free normal girls who are at a healthy weight from the evil beauty stereotypes in magazines. Dove != Oprah and this promotion is overboard.]
When did I become so crotchety? Guess I’m just tired from busting ass all week. Today is beer, bbq, hammock, internet-for-pleasure-instead-of-programming, and buying the brightest tights online that I can find to cheer me up. Because I’m an asshole and things like that cheer me up.
Speaking of a-holes [I don't really think you guys are a-holes, just occasional twat blockers], THANKS for not voting on my thing like I asked earlier:
“Think you could do me a solid and vote in the comments regarding these two vids?
The first (apparentely boring) one is here:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyjzOMSDa9g. The other one is at the blog post here, and the youtube link for it is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qM53FJt9gNE.
I guess the clip here is clip A, and the other one is clip B. Thanks, I’m trying to win the Internet Moron 2008 award, and your feedback is invaluable. From all 2 of you.”
MikeTwatterson voted, so he is exempt from the following picture. As for the rest of you:
Filed under: MTV must die, eating food, embarrassing, hammock, me me me, oh fuck, politics, teaching, tv, working
Yes, for the THIRD time. I had thought that I could save all the homeless animals and Africans with a Master’s in CS, but after my “Summer of Negative Income”, I came to realize that no one in the non-profit field gives a shit about my programming skills. Also not considered was my ability to effectively do group-work with computer nerds, who happen to be virgins (info was volunteered), and who talk way too close to my face. *Note that those aren’t real classmates of mine, I wouldn’t do that. I was tempted, but I never would.
+ 
!= 
All my friends and my crazy Vietnamese mother think I’m making the wrong decision, mostly becaue I used to complain a lot about it. Well fuck, who wouldn’t. It’s fucking hard, yo. [LOL ever since I saw "The Wackness" (movie about a drug-dealing wigg with a heart of gold in the 90's), I keep saying "naw, dawg" or "yo what up with that hurricane", etc.] No one around me is amused. Probably a little embarrassed, too.
You know what embarrasses me? Those high-school PA-system speeches that students give when they are running for Student Council treasurer and what not. I’ve heard a lot of them recently because..well….I’ve been watching the MTV again. Anyway, I think I’ve gotten a lot meaner than I was in high school. I’m still really nice and always have been [My, don't we like ourself today?], but I feel that I would make much more fun (to close friends only, obv) than I did before. The speeches give me goosebumps and make all kinds of hairs on my body grow out a millimeter per speech (it’s my body trying to shield me from the discomfort).
In other news, it finally happened, I almost cracked my skull on the new indoor hammock. I decided it reasonable to stand up in the middle of it to fuck with the malfunctioning ceiling fan. Crash, boom, all of that at about 5am this morning (insomnia still, woke up at 4). Landed on my elbow with my full body weight, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to die or have to have my elbow removed. Lesson: don’t be a fucking idiot. Also, don’t stand on a hammock, even if you’re cold and the fan is broken and you think you can fix it real quick.
Basically, the honeymoon is over. Between me and the hammock. [She says as she types while rocking in her lovely but not-without-risk hammock.] But check out my “O-face”:
I still love you, my hammock; my friend.
I have work to do today. I’m doing the “Internet and Politics” lecture Part II tomorrow. I can’t really tell, but I’m pretty sure they don’t give a shit. Well, they’re GOING TO after this next assignment. [LOLSTATEMENT].
Today I will eat my coffee (that vanilla creamer is so good but I’m fairly certain that it’s giving me cancer), eat, make slides, do research work because I have made an insane career decision, and possibly make another video. So apologies in advance for the video. Have a pleasant day, my little twat tacos! <333
Filed under: bleeding, fashion, hammock, me me me, oh fuck, teaching, what a dick, working
Yeah, that’s right. It was karaoke night, and I was drinking my Applebee’s meal while seated near the finest of gentlemen and scholars. If you were to ask what I was doing at A-Bee’s on their weekly “W.T. Extreme” night, I would respond by telling you to STAY FOCUSED and don’t bother me about it right now.
Anyway, that Toby Keith man (your spiritual advisor and mine) has this song, right. It’s that one, the one about putting a boot up yer ass under certain conditions and such. What I overheard from the young men regarding this song was so amazing [I live in Texas] that it led me to make some life decisions, regarding Applebees, “karaoke night”, and most people. What a shitty and condescending thing to say, huh. Well guess what I’m on my period. <3
Those pictures are entirely unrelated, but I’m fairly certain that you all know the drill here. They’re kinda borderline, huh. Best to publish them on the world wide webinator.
Teaching is going well, it is quite the shitload of work. I feel like I can’t say anything I really want to say about it, for fear of getting in twubble one day. Maybe I’ll password-protect a post and unleash. I have some other big news I’ll post about tomorrow, also! Yay I think! Some of you are going to roll your blog-reading-eyes when you find it out.
I am proud of this little outfit, mostly because it was so hard to construct. There are FOUR total loops in the middle of the top with which to basket-weave oneself into. And the back’s criss-cross maneuvering required two screwdrivers, one battery and a Miller Lite. Oh yeah, and I obviously bought an indoor hammock and THAT FUCKING RULES:
