Filed under: denver, embarrassing, fashion, intertron, me me me, oh fuck, pug, trips, working
I’m giving an epic hour-long presentation tomorrow on some shit I know nothing about. So I’m looking forward to that.
Hey guys every time I buy a dress from Modcloth, they feel the need to throw in the weirdest of shit. Such as:
That is clearly a bear with a tape measure coming out of its mouth. Last time, the bonus was a giant pterodactyl necklace. Fuckin awesome?
Anyway, I’m driving to Denver tomorrow with the PUG after my public humiliation is over (the presentation, remember?). I’ll be cooped up in a motel most of the week with puggleton, so I’ll be making videos with the intent of majorly freaking you out.
I’m also being pressured to go White Water Rafting, and anyone who knows me knows that I do not like White Water, Rafting, or Being Outside. So you can expect some pics of me looking really pissed and wet.
Filed under: Tony Hawk, embarrassing, intertron, me me me, my oddities, oh fuck, pug, video games
Keyboard: 1 Angela: 0
Oh, where to begin with this shit. Those of you reading my noxious tumbling already know that I recently spilled red wine (from the finest of gas stations) all over my laptop keyboard. I have two degrees in Computer Science and have destroyed two computers in 3 months. HIGH FIVE.
The first one I took out as described here. This latest episode is more embarrassing.
SCENE: I’ve just finished watching “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape”, and have decided to pretend that I am a retarded person. ? So I’m sitting cross-legged on the couch, glass of wine on the tray, and I take my left foot in my left hand, and start slapping it spastically against my right leg. Wine glass goes flying, and my keyboard is fucked (I was still optimistic at this point, though).
I tried rinsing it [removed from the machine, obv] and drying it in the sun, to no avail. Decided to try feeding it to my dog, or drop kicking it:
In the end, I bought an “invincible” and “magical” and “rubber” keyboard (USB). You can spill wine on it, roll it up in a ball, and generally hate all over it and everything will be just fine. I have done a demonstration for you below, and I look pretty stupid doing it:
More pics of this mess tomorrow on my tumblr. I post some fucking *bullshit* on that thing, but at a much higher frequency than over here. So if you want to hear about my every fart and indiscretion, or just hear me announce on a regular basis that I am playing Tony Hawk, eating spaghetti and scratching my ass, see there. <3 <3 <3. Cooterheads.
I’m Angela and Jessamin is this one:
Jessamin: man i’m wearing this long sleeved button down shirt right now and i’m totally sweating in it :O
Angela: gross
Angela: I use medicated deodorant
Jessamin: really??
Angela: prescription, bia
Jessamin: do you have a glandular problem angela
Jessamin: do you have a very strong musk
Angela: you apply it at night
Angela: and put saran wrap over your armpits
Angela: and wear a tight shirt
Angela: and I am not shitting you
Angela: you dab the liquid onto your pits,
then put saran wrap on it,
then put on a tight shirt,
then try to sleep as it burns
your pits
then wake up in the morning and itch your pits furiously
then don’t sweat as much!!!
Jessamin: wtffff
Angela: yaaaay!!!!!11
Jessamin: that’s so effing hilarious
: (
Angela: I used to have to do that like 1x a week until like about 4 years ago
: D
Angela: it would be funny if you wore man-slacks and man-dress shirts
every day though
Angela: you should wear big frilly dresses to work
just start showing up like that
with little anklet socks and dress shoes
Jessamin: noooo
Jessamin: who says i don’t come to work like that angela (in a man’s
shirt and pants)
Angela: nobody said
Jessamin: :’(
Filed under: MTV must die, Tony Hawk, eating food, embarrassing, fashion, me me me, pug, tv, video games, working
Today was not a good day.
I had to go to a family function this evening, and so put on the HAPPY DRESS of SUNSHINE. And RAINBOWS. Didn’t work.
I forgave the pug her previous indiscretions, although she doesn’t deserve it.
Growing up, I used to have this “Book of Farts”. It put a name to your various farts, including the “Thank God I’m Alone” fart and the “Silent But Deadly” fart (obv). I used to think about this during class and start lol’ing like a weirdo. That and the old rectangular Garfield books:
TONIGHT’S BUSINESS: Watch “I Love Money”, eat red wine + leftover mac n chee and play Tony Hawk. Tomorrow is my Day of Action!!! I shall be productive tomorrow….Wait for it… ?
This blog could sure use some Quality Control. OH WELL.
I continue to wake up every night around 4am, and cannot sleep until exhausting my Embarrassing Moments Reel. There’s a badass new food-maker-machine infomercial out. WATCHED IT. I’ve tried getting up and drinking warm milk twice, and it was delicious yet odd tasting?
Reading is supposed to help, and my version of reading is to peruse gossip sites and also to google “my name + [all things I've ever been associated with]” for any updates or things I can add to my embarrassment reel.
Any tips for sleeping?
Issue of the Day: I wish the grocery people would stop dragging my sponge poof across the checkout counter.
Always, even if I set it on top of a frozen pizza or a tower of pizzas => to suggest that I’d rather they didn’t. I sound like a dick. Sub-Saharan Africa.
Speaking of I’m a dick, anyone watching any primetime shows lately? My list includes:
-Denise Richards: It’s Complicated [It's not.]
-The Next Food Network Star
-Johns Hopkins on abc [my latest fave]
-Living Lohan???????????
-I Love Money on VH1 [It is amazing. See here]
Also, this awesome movie (“Eagle vs. Shark”):
Filed under: bleeding, eating food, fashion, me me me, movies, oh fuck, old people, working
Drugstore-Pharmacy parking lots. Am I right, people? I normally like the elderly, BUT NOT WHEN I AM ON MY PERIOD.
I could tell you about my latest job prospects, but more important that I share the latest in NECKLACES THAT I NEED:
They call this the “popsicle” necklace. Do you know why? I don’t. I’ve never encountered a popsicle with sprinkles, so I have decided it is a delicious ice cream bar.
As I am currently living off of my savings = “ha! ha! ha!”, this one has been added, along with the others, to failnecklaces.com/chipmunkfart.
Okay twatlettes you know I wouldn’t leave you without a gratuitous shot of ME ME ME. I can be found in this position for most of the day now because UNEMPLOYMENT RULES.
The jobs I’m looking at are Rescue Coordinator for the city pound (they’re trying to go “no-kill” by 2012, they currently kill shitloads every day), and “Make-a-Wish” Foundation Program Director. These have zero to do with my Computah School background, but I’m applying anyway. I’m just happy knowing someone out there is reading my application and laughing at me.
ME THEN………………………..ME NOW:
MOVING RIGHT ALONG, today’s viewing assignment is below. If you bore easily or you’re running late for something or you don’t care about me, skip to the 0:27 mark. It’s a documentary about high school debate teams who act insane.
I wonder if that screaming blonde chick is embarrassed. I would be. But she’s probably not unemployed like me. She’s probably screaming at someone somewhere.
Okay that’s enough. It is now TACO TIME.
