Filed under: fashion, me me me, movies, oh fuck, she-celebs, video games, working
I know she’s super busy getting munched on by Samantha Ronson. But someone [me] who is currently jobless watched “Mean Girls” last night (because life is meaningless and we are all going to DIE) and have you ever seen her sing and dance the “Jingle Bell Rock”?
I was looking online at necklaces today so I wouldn’t have to look for a job, and I found a rilly inspiring one: 
And also one that more accurately portrays my current feelings:
Juuust kidding, I’m not so Eeyore, being unemployed rules. I do need to get a job though, maybe I’ll apply to teach CS at the community college.
So I have some new games (it’s a PS2 and do not you laugh at me):
-Jak 3, GAYEST game of GAYNESS but I’m still playing it
-Gran Turismo 4 and I suck at it cause it’s fucking hard
-Grand Theft Auto and I’ve never played it.
Going to make a pizza soon, play more video games (brought both tv’s in the living room => so much awsum) and try to ignore the bottle of wine on top of the fridge 
Filed under: Uncategorized
Sorry I haven’t been posting, I’ve been really busy eating egg mcmuffins and poking the yoke out manually, which is much much harder than it sounds.
Long story short: I was a PhD student in Computer Science, working on Bioinformatics, and I was like eff this I think I’ll work in poverty instead. Not so easy translating CS research into helping Sub-Saharan Africa.
I got a Master’s in CS along the way so it wasn’t a waste of time or anything. I think I’m going to get another master’s in something else starting this fall but WHO CARES ABOUT THAT. God this post is boring me already. If anyone has any ideas or wants to give me a job where I can drink and play Tony Hawk all day, let me know and I’ll send you a resume.
My past three days of unemployment have been fun! This much:
I would quit being so mysterious about wtf is going on with that latest post, but I just ate 20 clawfish and 20 beers in celebration/bewilderment over my latest “interesting” career move.
I am reduced to playing Tony Hawk (shocker) and possibly getting in the kiddie pool at 3:53pm on a Tuesday. I’ll explain my career plans, my hopes and dreams, my favorite color, and why I continue to watch “Grey’s Anatomy” in spite of “Grey’s Anatomy” tomorrow.
<333 I’m happy though! Just a small little ulcer. Should work itself out, right?
Oh fuck. Is there an “unsend” button?
Um. More to come tomorrow.
Every time I see this movie title on the guide I’m like “heh heh. HOLES.” This is because I have the mind (and body) of a 14-yr old boy.
Turns out it’s just a PG movie by Disney people who secretly thought it was hilarious to name their movie HOLES.
[Transition, how about accordingly?] Accordingly, I feel weird around men wearing flip-flops with jeans. I’m sure it’s perfectly alright, but I can’t help but to STARE at the man-feet and it embarrasses us both. -C.F. Oddity #5RZ
JC would be in trouble……While Prince would not (he decided to wear socks?):
Omg, have you seen these “topless sandals”? They stick to your feet! And make you look like a douchebag! “It’s very magical”, according to their website.
It is abundantly clear from the absurdity of this post that I have a lot of work to do today. Papers to read and programs to write. Hope you all have a non-shitty weekend. Maybe I’ll splash around in the kiddie pool for Memorial Day or whatever once I finish this work <3 Stay safe, McTwattersons!
Filed under: intertron
“apos·tate : one who commits apostasy.”
Fuck you, online dictionary. Yes, there is a link, but I have delicate fingertips and I did not come here to be mocked.
Filed under: MTV must die
Well whatever makes her happy. Sets me free.
I watched the MTV today. I am writing this from heaven because obviously I died from it. When are they going to have this channel put down? It is clearly in pain with a minus infinity Quality of Life. (Have you ever seen the show “Next”? I hope not.)
[Ed. note: fucking Adam has pointed out in the comments section of my blogspot webpages that I am a "disingenuous hoper" cause I put up the clips tempting. I think what he was meaning to say is that I am an "indigenous hoper", one who hopes things on people prior to their land's ultimate colonization.]
I did, however, glean some useful information from one of their other stupid shows (“Life of Ryan”, I think): You have to say “pre-CISE” when something is cool. Else you will sound like an old fart.
Dear Friends and Colleagues:
I wish someone would feed me. I’m a little fish in a tank, hanging at the top and waiting for someone to sprinkle me some flakes. SPRINKLE ME SOME FISHY FLAKES, DAMMIT.
How shitty does this movie look:
I’ll confirm this in 2 hrs 7 mins.
Had a Big Meeting today. Changed dissertation topic to Network-Based Analysis of Complex Systems. Thought I was bringing clean water to Sub-Saharan Africa, but I guess they are S.O.L. until I can formulate their thirstiness and sanitation problems into something that makes me GRADUATE.
Warning: Perez Hilton will have a clothing line out for Hot Topic. Don’t say I never did anything for you.
Okay, so this one may not be entirely true. FSJ is a definite go, and PSH is a definite prob if I watched a marathon of Punch Drunk Love, Along Came Polly, Almost Famous, Love Liza, Magnolia and The Savages. IN THAT ORDER.
But I sure could hang out with Jase if he would act all whiny and good-intentioned, with his trademark “enh enh” frustration.
He would have to do something about this hairdo he insists upon. And the Shopgirl role grossed me a little.
But aside from that, THIS ruled:
It is how I wake up every morning “motherfucking cock sucker motherfucking shitFUCKER what am I doing. What am I doing. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m doing the best that I can. I know that’s all I can ask of myself.” Except that I’m usually not doing the *best* that I can, and I also have a very different poem at the end. Maybe I will share it with you later. You all like reading other people’s poetry, right???
He was also quite funny in the 5 seconds I saw of “Bewitched” (this movie is an ABOMINATION).
In conclusion, Jason Schwartzman is on thin ice regarding my special list. It is meant to include the non-obvious, but for some reason I am torn. Apparently not torn enough to refrain from typing up a blog post about it when I should be preparing for my Very Important Meeting tomorrow morning.
Back in town, McTwattersons!
So tired. Can only play Tony Hawk, drink 2 burrs and go to bed. Post tomorrow 
Stay with me here: Fake Steve Jobs ruled, esp. in the glory days when I actually read it. It was so good.
Howevs. It has gotten a little boring, esp. bc I’ve been more busy lately (inflatable kiddie pool discovery in my garage and such).
I know what you are thinking: He is way OLD, but 1) I love a guy who has all this modern tech info in his old-ass brain, 2) he’s totally hilarious and 3) this
So anyway, I fell into a deep slumber before my 2pm meeting at the “other” college today, and woke up at 1:03. I usually spend most of my drive rehearsing the meeting in my head, and it goes all awesome, but then I get there and spaz out. Today especially. Turned out cool in the end, though. Africa best be gettin ready for some clean water, cause I’m about to bring it, bitches.
So if you have like 50 minutes to spare, you can check out this awesome interview (I think it’s awesome, you will not) of Dan Lyons (aka Fake Steve Jobs) at a Google Talk about the FSJ blog in gen and also his FSJ book. If you don’t like the FSJ blog, you will not like this vid.
Oh my GOOOOOODDDD I do not want to write this effing program. I am not allowed dinner until I finish and I have to basically programmatically screen scrape the living shit out of webpages and programmatically request shitloads of URL’s. Before my meeting tomorrow. At 2pm.
It may seem easy (esp. to my snooty CS friends who better hush), but it is extremely annoying. After that, I have to figure out how to save all the villages in Africa by bringing them clean water. Because I have to discuss in 2pm meeting without looking like a retard. So I better have all that figured out.
On a brighter note, I want this dress!
If I had that dress, I would not make this face she is doing. She needs to lighten up. I shall program now, listen to pandora.com (do you guys use it? (it’s intertron radio but awesome)), eat leftover hamburger helper, and cry. I’ll be happier tomorrow at approximately 4pm, promise.
I fucking love this man. He is the male version of me: sarcastic, misanthropic, and self-impressed <3 <3 <3
White Chocolate! Raindrops!!
Why I chose both clips from “Along Came Polly”, I do not know. But I got me some BANGZ, bitches!
Tony Hawk now then have to wake up at 5am omfg to take my mom to the airport. What the hell? Le sigh.
I was almost blinded for the second time by Laura Linney’s breastassis while watching “The Savages” this morning. I think she’s a very attractive middle-aged lady, but her breasts remind me of someone’s mom’s, and I sure was taken aback in “Love Actually” when they popped out in total wtf fashion:
Movies of my Mother’s Day Dinner coming tomorrow.
Filed under: she-celebs
“I won’t be sittin’ down doin’ nothin’
I’d rather spend my time doin’ somethin’
Ain’t no need to plan it–
jump right in and jam it” – Shania, from “I’m Not In The Mood (To Say No)!”
Fuck yeah! (?)
“You’re Tarzan!
Captain Kirk maybe.
John Wayne.
Whatever!
That don’t impress me much!” – Shania, from “That Don’t Impress Me Much”
Anyway, going to my mom’s tomorrow to get drunk with Todd (my stepdad) for Mother’s Day and to get yelled at all day by my mom. Should be fun, I’ll try and make a movie so you can share this special day with me. If I know you or you live with me, please remind me that I need to pick up a card at Walgreen’s tomorrow THX.
I just took a “swim” in the “pool” outback, about to murder me some Tony Hawk, then watch “The Savages”. I also rented “Dan in Real Life”, which is probably going to suck.
As you may know, I fried my hard drive last month by slamming my laptop onto the ground while hoisting that ass onto the couch.
I learned my lesson about the couch but today I had to get in the kiddie pool again bc I had the weekly meeting this morning, and therefore must party (equlas get in the kiddie pool with miller lite, two unread US Weekly’s and a night’s worth of Tony Hawk).
I have my new laptop perched on a chair next to the kiddie pool (which has a slow leak ,like everything else in my LIFE (lol)). But dudes, I can’t hear my music very well if I don’t.
Filed under: fashion
I know I live in Texas and not New York, but Jesus Christ wtf with the fucking pants:
